We cannot protect our daughter for a lifetime. Rather than letting her live under our wings, it is more important to make her a person "not easy to mess with".
Author | Fengzi
Two days ago, I was invited by the teacher to be a parent.
The reason was that the deskmate deliberately spilled water on her daughter’s homework. Without saying a word, the daughter poured a glass of water into the deskmate’s school bag.
and said cruel words:
"I have a bad temper. If anyone provokes me again, don't blame me for being rude!"
After confirming with my daughter that this was indeed the case, I did not criticize her, but invited her out for a nice meal.
Why?
Because my daughter finally knows how to fight back!
Before, my daughter was bullied a lot because she was soft-tempered and easy to talk to.
But I only taught her to be gentle, courteous, thrifty, and not to care about her classmates, let alone lose her own upbringing.
So for a long time, my daughter often came home crying.
She asked again and again: "Why do everyone bully me?"
At that time, I was full of heartache, but speechless.
Until one day, when my daughter and I were watching TV, she pointed to the "Black Lotus" in the show with full aura and said with emotion:
"It seems that being a villain is pretty good, at least you won't be bullied."
The speaker has no intention, but the listener has intention. The more I think about it, the more I feel that my daughter is right.
Since gentleness and kindness are not rewarded with equal respect, but increased severity, it is better to break the shackles and educate your daughter as a "villain".
Why not be a "villain" who is not afraid of conflict, brave and tenacious, confident and free-spirited?
Wearing armor, a daughter can protect herself throughout her life.
Be cruel: Have an aura that is “not easy to mess with”
I once thought that if I raised my daughter to be a “good girl” as defined by the world, my daughter would be liked by others and have a smooth life.
But the fact is: is a rose without thorns and is the most vulnerable to harm.
host Tu Lei conducted such an experiment when his daughter Xiaoying was still young.
He first asked the little cherry to smash the walnut kernels with his bare hands, and the little cherry was smashed into pieces in one go.
Immediately afterwards, he asked Little Cherry to pat the walnut shell, but Little Cherry refused: "The shell of the walnut is hard and it will hurt when patted."
Tu Lei took the opportunity to teach: "So, if you are a walnut kernel, you You can be bullied by others, but if you are like a walnut shell and can do the opposite, you will not be bullied because you know how to fight back bravely."
Persimmons are always easy to pick.
Raise your daughter as a villain so that your daughter can grow spikes from her weak body and become difficult to bully.
After understanding this, I specially enrolled my daughter in Taekwondo, hoping that when she is bullied, she will have the capital to resist and the confidence to attack.
In addition, I also taught my daughter a little trick for facing conflicts: straighten your back, glare, and fight back loudly.
When a girl has a strong aura, others will naturally not dare to make mistakes.
The mother of the heroine in the Korean drama "Itaewon Class" has taught Zhao Yirui to be ruthless and powerful since she was a child.
Therefore, Zhao Yirui has always had "not to be trifled with" deeply engraved on him.
When she encountered a gangster in a bar, she gave him a slap on the shoulder without saying a word;
When a classmate was bullied, she directly caused public opinion on the Internet and made the bully drop out of school;
When the bully's mother came to her door Even after he slapped her, she was not afraid at all. She secretly recorded the video and immediately threatened to go back.
Because of her courage, strategy, and determination, she has become a "chivalrous heroine" supported by many girls.
Writer Yu Hua has a good saying: "When we treat the world fiercely, the world suddenly becomes gentle."
Cactuses use the spikes all over their bodies to protect the dignity of their existence.
A good girl should be like a cactus, dare to show her "spikes", and live a life that is not easy to mess with.
Something bad: learn to please yourself first
Some time ago, "dislike personality" became a hot search topic.
is different from the people-pleaser personality. The "people-pleaser personality" puts one's own feelings and needs first, never wronging oneself and helping others.
Rather than pleasing others, they only please themselves.
As a parent, I once thought that this kind of trouble-making personality was quite egotistical, ruthless, and annoying.
But the message from netizen @蓝berry fruit gave me a different idea.
She said that her parents have taught her since she was a child: Suffering is a blessing, and you can tolerate it.
She kept this in mind and never blushed towards her classmates or friends. However, because she was easy to talk to, she once became what everyone called a "maid", always being bullied and bossed around.
Later, after learning a little psychology, she learned to slowly change herself.
She began to say no to the unreasonable demands of colleagues and friends. She no longer coddled others or consumed herself internally.
Although many people still dislike her, she no longer cares about other people's opinions and has gained a bunch of friends who truly respect her.
So you see, you can't get others to treat you sincerely if you compromise.
If you really love your child, you must teach her to "please be evil", please yourself, be a villain, and live a happy life.
I have read a story shared by a mother before.
When she took her daughter to buy sushi, there was only the last portion left in the store.
When the daughter saw that the boy next to her who didn't buy anything looked disappointed, she took the initiative to give up the sushi.
But my mother turned a deaf ear and continued to pay and bought the sushi.
Then, she asked her daughter 2 questions:
"Do you think that boy needs that sushi more than you?"
"If not, why should you give it to him?"
The daughter had to admit that she also wanted to eat it. Sushi, the reason why you are humble is because you want to be praised.
So, she told her daughter seriously:
You can be smart, brave, and even powerful, but you don't need to make yourself feel wronged in order to please others. Your own happiness is more important than anything else.
Yes, when girls grow up, instead of being considerate, sensible, and kind, they must first understand: value their own feelings and learn to love themselves first.
This is not selfishness, but self-respect, self-love, and self-support.
Be wilder: Dare to break the constraints
I have always been committed to raising my daughter to be a "lady".
In my opinion, girls should be: beautiful, delicate, gentle, quiet, and generous...
But later I discovered that too many rules will only make girls constrained and dare not try anything. They are those girls who are as unfettered as "villains", who dare to venture and fight, and live confidently and freely.
So, I took the initiative to tear down the "rules and regulations" and give my daughter freedom.
Under the sunset, I will take my daughter to run on the grass, climb trees to take risks, and jump into mud puddles to have fun.
In the gym, I encouraged her to wrestle and feel the explosive power of life; I also accompanied her to shooting to enjoy another kind of passion.
On weekdays, my daughter cuts her hair short, dances hip-hop, and plays around with boys, so I won’t say more about it.
In the past six months, although my daughter has been tanned and injured a lot, her personality has become stronger and her body has become stronger.
What gratifies me the most is that when I told my daughter bedtime stories, she began to reject the "Snow White", "Cinderella" and "The Daughter of the Sea" that she loved to listen to before.
She said: "When people in these stories encounter difficulties, they just sit and cry, waiting for others to save them. I don't like it. I want to listen to Robinson Crusoe, Sun Wukong, and Robin Hood. They will save themselves when they are in danger, and they will save themselves when they are in danger." Will save others."
My daughter is becoming more and more like a "wild boy", but I can't help but praise her.
Writer Zhou Guoping once said: "The best men and women are androgynous. They have the distinctive characteristics of one gender and cleverly incorporate the advantages of the other gender."
Girls, like boys, will face the same gender in the future. world.
They should not wait to be protected, they can also have strength, courage and independent personality.
Just like China's first-generation female search and rescue helicopter commander, Song Yin, known as "the most handsome female pilot in history", can be quiet and elegant, or heroic.
Like Asia's first UFC world champion, the fighting queen Zhang Weili, she can be as quiet as a virgin, and she can also move like a rabbit.
There is also Wei Huixiao, China's first female captain who is a legend in life. She can be knowledgeable and sensible, and she can also overcome obstacles.
There is no fixed pattern in raising a daughter.
allows them to have the courage to break the constraints and have a "wild" side, so that the future will have unlimited possibilities.
Be tougher: stick to yourself and don’t follow the crowd.
Have you ever noticed that those “villain girls”, whether in life or in TV series, are too purposeful. They always look for one thing and then work hard to get results.
They never follow the crowd like sheep, but are like bold and domineering wolves, unswervingly achieving their goals.
’s toughness is exactly what many of our daughters lack.
has a saying: Thoughts determine behavior, and opinions determine direction.
In this society, we will never treat our children gently just because they are daughters.
On the contrary, society has too many invisible restrictions on them.
If they don't have their own opinions and follow what others say, the road ahead will only be more difficult.
Only by firm goals, clear direction, and taking the decision-making and initiative in their hands can they become the helmsmen of their own lives.
Tao Shuna in the CCTV drama "Fireworks World" is a very independent girl.
When she chose liberal arts in high school, her teacher told her: "Girls had better choose liberal arts, otherwise they will be unable to follow up and their grades will not be good."
But Tao Shuna did not waver because of the teacher's words or the inherent labels of society, but was determined Your own choice.
When she arrived at university, she did not give up her favorite mechanical engineering major because of other people's prejudices. Instead, she studied hard and became the only female doctor in this major.
When she meets someone she likes, she will boldly pursue them and improve herself, never fearing rejection.
But when the person she likes conflicts with her own values, she has no love brain, but sticks to her own ideas.
This independence and sobriety make her live a confident and shining life.
all say that there are thousands of opinions, but it is difficult to buy gold and advocate for yourself.
To raise an independent girl, we need to encourage our daughters to have their own ideas, give them the right to say "no", and let her make her own choices and bear the consequences.
A girl can live her most beautiful self if her thoughts are bright and her actions are powerful.
Steve Biddulph mentioned in "Raising Girls":
The living space of girls is becoming more complex and full of crises. Their present and future are destined to be richer and more difficult than ours.
Therefore, as parents, you must not spoil your beloved little girl into a weak and bully little princess.
should teach her to have a "villain" side, cultivate her character that is not easy to mess with, and encourage her to break stereotypes, put herself first, bravely pursue herself, and achieve herself.
In this way, our daughter can have a flower in her heart and a sword in her hand. She has a compassionate heart and the diamond means to protect herself throughout her life.
Like and to encourage all parents.
