□Zheng Hui (Renmin University of China)
Recently, the news that "girls are not polite when posting in public on Moments" has caused heated discussion. According to reports, the person involved clearly expressed his distaste for the custom of following gifts, saying, "It doesn't matter if good friends sincerely send blessings to each other, but forget it if they are not familiar with each other." Looking at the comment area, many people expressed understanding and support for this approach, but there were also objections claiming that it had "low emotional intelligence", "no need to say it publicly" and "doesn't understand the world."
Sui Mie Zi is a traditional gift custom, which represents the intention and blessing of the person who gives the gift. It also embodies the concept of reciprocity, mutual help and reciprocity, and is regarded as a way to maintain relationships and feelings. But when money becomes a profit-making tool that is wrapped up in sophistication and puts serious pressure on interpersonal relationships, there is nothing wrong with publicly stating that you are not polite and actively resisting such social pressure.
Previously, according to China Youth Daily, a survey of 1,000 young people participated by the China Youth Daily Social Survey Center and the Joint Questionnaire Network showed that 93.2% of the young people surveyed were burdened with being a follower, of which 51.2% % of the young people surveyed believe that there are both financial and human burdens. 50.2% of the young people surveyed believe that they should have the courage to say "no" to high gifts and refuse emotional kidnapping. On social platforms, you can also see many people posting and complaining about the pressure caused by "people who have not been in contact for a long time suddenly asking for gifts." There are also people who are deeply anxious about "how to give money to members" and "how to get back money from members". ask.
"Favors are greater than debts". After careful consideration, deliberation, and calculation, money is no longer a gift from true love, but a "face" that is difficult to break and a "bargaining chip" for dealing with favors. With the development of the economy and the improvement of living standards, the standard of family money has been rising, which has also brought a greater financial burden to the people who follow the gift. When the relationship between the two parties is not close and the relationship is not deep, asking for gifts is essentially an emotional kidnapping with pressure from favors; when you are struggling with how to follow gifts, return gifts, and withdraw gifts, socializing with money as a carrier makes people feel uncomfortable. The dual financial and interpersonal pressures even hurt each other's feelings. Compared with "reluctance when accepting gifts, nerve-wracking when returning gifts, and unpleasantness when receiving gifts", taking the initiative to express one's resistance attitude can, on the contrary, reduce unnecessary, embarrassing and tangled human exchanges to a large extent. , reduce one’s own social burden.
goes one step further. The resistance to participatory money may be related to the resistance of "traditional customs" such as "wine table culture" and "betrothal customs" among young people. The "boycott statement" does not mean that it is naive or unreasonable. It seems to be a break between young people and the traditional customs of human society. In essence, it is an aversion to the emphasis on "face" and "human feelings" in interpersonal communication, and reflects people's dissatisfaction with society. A mentality that is willing to be coerced by ineffective social interactions that use money as a measure of affection. The speaker hopes to take this initiative to "reduce the burden" on his or her interpersonal relationships, and desires a more pure state of communication in which each other sincerely cares about each other. Such an approach deserves understanding and respect.
In fact, money and "face" can never be used as a criterion to measure true love. If relationships and feelings need to be maintained through being accomplices, their authenticity itself is open to question. The etiquette of reciprocity originates from pure sincerity and true feelings in communication, and its maintenance requires real emotional connections and interactive behaviors in daily life. What is really inappropriate is not the traditional customs themselves, nor is it a statement that refuses to abide by the "conventional" rules of communication, but the interpersonal communication that is kidnapped by "favor debts". Only with less utilitarianism and more sincerity can we build a positive social relationship that is truly reciprocal.
