is on a business trip.
I was a bit confused and couldn't sleep, so I lay in bed at night and read through the past messages.
I found that there is a feeling that appears quite frequently in the comments.
Sorry.
When I realize that certain things are what I really like, I am no longer young and energetic.
These regrets remind me of a short film I watched before.
The content was about several women with gray hair and wrinkles talking about their past regrets and the pressure they experienced.
They said,
When I was young, I was always used to measuring myself in the eyes of others, becoming a perfect wife, a perfect friend, a perfect mother, a successful career...
When chasing these things, I neglected what I need. .
As time passed, I suddenly realized: I had missed so much.
They repeat again and again:
What matters most as a human being is the present moment;
If I were younger, I wouldn't create a 'to do' list, I would create a 'don't do' list;
would Give yourself some time and indulge in what I think is important now;
I will not give up hugging my children more;
I will not forget the kiss when saying good night;
If I divide a woman's life into an important node, I think it is 40 years old.
Being 40 years old is a threshold for many women.
Whether it is physical or psychological.
No matter where the woman is in society,
"40" rings a bell in their head, signaling the onset of the midlife crisis.
From a psychological point of view, a woman's 40s is not so much a crisis as it is an important "self-overview" change that a person has to go through in his life.
The pressure brought about by change is the main component of "crisis".
So, how can you and I, who are not yet 40 years old, avoid the "midlife crisis" in the future and survive it smoothly and healthily?
I would like to share my views from the perspective of developmental psychology.
Where does the sense of crisis come from?
A psychologist named Erikson once put forward a point of view:
"Personality development is a gradual process, and human life development is divided into eight stages."
Each stage has positive and negative aspects. Towards two psychological development directions.
Only when each stage develops smoothly and in a positive direction can we enter the next stage smoothly and healthily.
40 years old is in middle age. People at this stage are either energetic or decadent and sluggish.
The energetic one.
Be creative at work and pursue career success, not just to meet personal needs.
decadent sluggish person.
is self-centered, self-indulgent, places more emphasis on asking than giving, and has no interest in improving himself.
Friends who follow me are probably at a younger age, under 40, or just turned 40.
In order to avoid entering the "stagnation" period and avoid the "midlife crisis", we still have the opportunity to adjust ourselves.
Make your life full of vitality, not a pool of stagnant water.
What should you and I do before we turn 40 so that we won’t regret it in the future?
Before the age of 40, it is important to stick to your heart.
In the first half of our lives, we will encounter a lot of choices and confusion.
When making a choice, you must stick to your heart.
Make decisions based on your heart. Even if you make a mistake, you will not regret it.
Clarify your three views earlier and set a bottom line.
Whether it is making friends, marriage, career, or life, it will be much easier.
When I was studying, I was actually very confused.
Because I had no direction, I studied accounting and entered a firm. I was not comfortable during that time.
Later, he changed his career to psychology, made a public account, and coded words, and then he discovered the joy of life.
Looking back now, if I had chosen to stay in the firm, my income might have been much higher than it is now.
But now, I have never regretted my choice. I firmly believe that this is the direction that suits me.
"Regret" has a great impact on happiness.
Especially as you grow older, it will become more and more obvious.
After the age of 40, you will no longer be allowed to choose to change your life in the remaining time. A strong sense of regret will lead people to decline.
People with lower "regret" have better physical health and life satisfaction.
So, try your best to accomplish what you want to do within your own abilities.
Maybe you will lose some things, but after a few years, you will not regret your original choice, that is, there will be no regrets.
Of course, this does not mean to encourage everyone to indulge themselves.
The premise of all this is to build within the scope of one's own abilities, rather than abandoning everything in a hurry. This kind of behavior will only increase the "sense of regret".
After the age of 40, the time to make big money is coming, but the risk of not making money is getting higher and higher.
I was hospitalized twice this year, which cost a lot of money; my cat was also hospitalized consecutively, which cost a lot of money.
Fortunately, I realized early on that money should not be wasted casually, so I stopped unnecessary pursuit of luxury and found joy in quitting. Although my ability to make money is average, I at least have savings to cope with everything.
I am an exception. For many married women, after the age of 40, money is not only used for emergencies, but also for the confidence to control their own lives.
I read the account of a woman who is 42 years old and has been married for 15 years. She was a popular figure when she was young. Not only was she beautiful, she also had a good job.
After entering into marriage, she curbed her luster and became a housewife with peace of mind.
Her husband is a successful man and already ran a company when he got married, so she can be a full-time housewife after getting married.
At that time, her husband loved her very much and would usually give her whatever she wanted. She thought she could rely on her husband and live a carefree life.
But as time went by, her beauty no longer appeared, and her husband gradually became impatient with her and often did not come home at night.
She suspected that her husband was having an affair, so she got into a big fight with him. As a result, he moved to another residence without saying a word and ignored her.
At that time, her parents were old and she was already in her 40s. She had no financial income and it was not easy to survive.
In the end, she could only look down on her husband and ask for money. Not only did she not get the money, but she was also hurt by his words.
said that he has raised her for 15 years and that is enough, and he will not indulge her in the future.
Women's greatest protection in life is to maintain long-term financial independence.
Women entering marriage should not give up their jobs and income easily, no matter how good their relationship is now.
Only when you are financially independent can you have more choices.
Whether it’s marriage or hobbies, money can give you more confidence.
Financial independence is not only to give you a sense of accomplishment, but also to prevent you from falling into an unbearable situation at any time.
Before the age of 40, please learn to accept yourself.
Gilbert, a professor of psychology at Harvard University, proposed a concept: the law of ending illusions.
We always think that we can change many things.
But the truth is, there are very few things we can change.
Because of changes in the environment and the passage of time, we tend to have the illusion that we have changed a lot.
Some people even want to change their personality from introvert to extrovert.
This idea is so unrealistic.
Personality is mainly related to hormones in the body.
Anthropologist Helen Fisher said,
There are four main hormones that affect human personality: dopamine, serotonin, testosterone, and oxytocin.
People with high dopamine energy are adventurous but impatient.
People with high serotonin are more self-disciplined, but socially fearful.
has high testosterone, a bad temper, and an inability to empathize with others.
Oxytocin is warm and friendly, but fearful of conflict.
It is difficult to change something that is engraved in the genes, and can only be slightly improved.
By the age of 40, you should have accepted your personality long ago.
Don't force it, don't waste time.
It's like I'm not very social and don't like interacting with people.
When I was in the office, I tried a lot of training to improve my communication skills.
The result is naturally in vain.
Later, when I re-study, I finally figured out that this is how I am and I can't change it.
Instead of changing, it is better to find a more suitable one.
Likewise, I can't change myself, let alone change others.
It is God who changes oneself, but it is neurosis who changes others.
Don't try to change anyone's personality, including your daughter, partner, brothers, sisters, parents...
We can guide and support things that are born in the mother's womb, but in the end, only after each has experienced the setbacks in life can we truly Awakening.
Zhou Guoping once said: Among all responsibilities in the world, the most fundamental responsibility is to be yourself and live out your unique personality and value.
Women of any age have their own beauty that cannot be replicated at that age.
I hope that you and I can have a period of time in this life to live freely and freely, so that this life will not be wasted and this life will be lived up to.
If, the idea of developmental psychology
gives you a different view of your life
It is better to use your little hands to get rich
Give me a like in the lower right corner
~
Xiaolou good article sharing
Xiaolou, you have changed.
