Loving children is the instinct of parents, raising children is the responsibility of parents, but educating children is the practice of parents.
Only by letting children learn to fly independently as soon as possible is the real "far-reaching" love of parents. Author of
| Summer
watched the first 8 episodes of "Gone Child" in one go.
watched Yuan Wu change from a high-spirited genius to a middle-aged waste who gambled, gnawed on the old, and hid corpses;
watched him change from the pride of his parents to the burden of his parents; "Child" has become a "monster" in the eyes of others, and my heart is filled with emotion.
all say that education is the cause and effect, parents are the cause, and children are the effect.
The fate of each child can be seen in family education .
Yuan Wu's tragedy once again revealed to us four cruel educational truths.
Children's grades
is not a capital for parents to show off
There is such a passage in the original work of this drama, which is particularly apt:
Yuan Wu, who was a student, has always lived in the halo of "academic master".
The praise and envy of the people around him, the pride and favor of his parents, and the advantages brought to him by famous schools made his first half of his life easy and smooth.
However, after walking out of the campus and entering a society where the world is divided by ability, Yuan Wu, who can only get high marks in exams, was marginalized by his colleagues and attacked by the leaders.
, who is used to being "stars hold the moon", can't stand the frustration brought by work and life.
After his mother died unexpectedly, he also lost his most powerful support.
So the whole person seems to have lost his soul, he is decadent, and even caught the bad habit of gambling, suffering from " neurosis ", and he has become a waste that can only "eat old". There is a passage in
's "Education Can Be Better" that says it very well:
"Don't think that your child is a top student now, and he will definitely do a lot in the future. Blindly jump to the conclusion that this child has no future and can only polish his shoes."
This is indeed the case.
Lei Hai graduated from technical secondary school, worked as an electrician, worked as a waiter, gift salesman, and takeaway, but defeated Peking University master and became the champion of the third " Chinese Poetry Conference ".
Shenzhen girl Gu Huijing , who could not go to high school, went straight to vocational school, but won the championship of the provincial auto repair competition, and received an invitation from China Central Radio and Television to participate in " very 6+1".
They are not the top students in our mouths, nor do they have the halo of famous schools, but they have also won a splendid world for themselves with their own specialties, love and hard work.
So, as parents, we must have a clear understanding:
results have never been the capital for parents to show off, nor the only criterion for judging whether their children are promising in the future.
only pays attention to the child's academic performance and ignores the development of other abilities of the child, which may make the child dazzling for a while, but it cannot make the child dazzling for a lifetime.
If the child does not have the ability to get along with the world
All education is in vain
Yuan Wu's mother instructed Yuan Wu, who had just entered college, to say:
"It turned out that you were not allowed to make friends because I was afraid of delaying your studies.
After you get to college, you still need to make friends widely." My first impression helped Yuan Wu to analyze the character of his roommate, warned Yuan Wu who he should be close to, who he should keep away from, what topics should he chat with, who should never touch the bottom line, and even taught Yuan Wu how to please the teacher. How to answer your boss's questions, how to chat with your blind date.
The cruel thing is:
No matter how her mother helps Yuan Wu rehearse everything, it cannot change the fact that Yuan Wu is "socially afraid".
Especially after his mother died in a car accident, Yuan Wu's "social fear" was even more vividly exposed.
He is timid, cowardly, alone, afraid to deal with people, and he needs to practice all day to say a word to others.
He doesn't know how to integrate into his classmates and colleagues, how to get along with his boss, and he doesn't know how to solve various situations in life and work.
He bears the aura of "academic master" and "famous school", but his work ability, social ability and survivability are all in a mess.
colleagues laughed at him:
"The boss is wrong.
is such a good school, but he can't do anything, and he can't even talk to people. It is estimated that he has some kind of disease."
remembers a friend once Said to me regretfully:
"Before, I let my children learn dance, painting, and roller skating, but I didn't teach her how to play happily with children and get along well with children, which caused her to always offend others unconsciously. I have a conflict with someone, but I don't know how to solve it.
Before, I only paid attention to my child's grades, but I didn't teach her gratitude, respect, responsibility and responsibility, which made her always yell at her parents and ask for anything .
Before, I only paid attention to whether my child could be admitted to a famous school and whether he could find a good job, but I never taught her how to make herself strong, so she now runs away when she encounters difficulties, and complains all day long when she encounters setbacks. The power to cope."
So you see, without teaching children the ability to get along with others, with themselves, and with the world, all education will be in vain.
once said in " little prince ":
"The deepest emotions of human beings, from the greatest joy to the deepest pain, all originate from 'relationship'.
deal with all kinds of relationships alone and get along with others social ability, directly affects the quality of life and work efficiency.”
Each of us is in a variety of relationships.
Learning to adapt to society and dealing with relationships is the ultimate goal of raising children.
The child "eats the old"
is actually a backlash against the parents' doting
I once read such a news:
A mother has worked hard to raise her child.
However, after graduating from college, the child kept complaining that the work was too hard and tiring, and almost every job was done within a month before resigning.
It has been two years, and the child is at home with peace of mind.
In the face of the mother's complaints and accusations, the child said confidently:
"If you can't support me for the rest of your life, why have you coddled and spoiled me since childhood?"
It turns out that children "gnawing old" is a backlash against their parents' doting. In the
drama, Yuan Wu, who has been relying on his parents all the time, even for his father's pension, tried his best to hide his corpse, which is also the fruit of his parents' doting.
's mother's great support made Yuan Wu develop the habit of dependence since he was a child. The sudden death of
's mother brought Yuan Wu's life into the darkest moment.
Confused and decadent, he used gambling to escape reality, deceived himself, and deceived his father.
Father spent everything to pay his gambling debts, accompanied him away from home, and supported him to start anew with a meager pension.
He regards his father as his life-saving straw, and regards his father's pension as a guarantee for his survival.
The arrangement, doting and coddling of his parents deprived him of the opportunity to grow up independently, and destroyed his sense of responsibility and courage to face the storm alone.
Writer Katie Coe once mentioned her parenting goals in the book:
"In my mind, the ultimate goal of parenting is that my children can grow up, and then I can prepare myself breakfast, and I can snoring in bed. "
If you want to raise a filial, independent and responsible child, parents must learn to be cruel and let go.
In Jingmen, Hubei, a little boy wanted to buy a toy, but his mother didn't buy it for him immediately, but asked him to save money to buy it himself.
After picking up scraps for a long time, the little boy experienced the hard-won money and the hard work of his parents. He took the initiative to change his goal from toys to buying gold bracelets for his mother.
Hebei Tangshan , a 10-year-old boy helped his parents spread eggs and cakes during the summer vacation.
When the reporter asked him if he was working hard, he told the reporter: his parents worked harder.
In Qihe, Shandong, a 19-year-old boy delivered food for 60 days during the summer vacation, earning 17,350 yuan for himself to pay tuition.
Mom said excitedly: "I didn't expect him to stick to it."
Writer Holdin Carter Jr once said:
"We hope to have two permanent inheritances for our children, one is the root and the other is the wing. "
covers everything for the child, which is equivalent to cutting off the child's independent wings.
can only hide half of the love, let the children try bravely, and endure some hardships, then the children can grow up, learn to understand their parents, learn to solve problems by themselves, bear the wind and rain, and live their own life well.
Raising an obedient child
is the biggest failure of parents , you will forget the life you have thought about.
Since childhood, Yuan Wu has been living according to his mother's wishes.
Mom didn't let him make friends, so he just studied and didn't have any friends.
Mom helped him choose the school and major of the university, help him sort out the relationship between classmates and teachers, help him choose a blind date, help him rehearse the situation and dialogue during the blind date, help him prepare a wedding ring...
He looks like Like a marionette, he doesn't know what he likes or what he wants. He does whatever his mother asks him to do.
As a result, as soon as his mother had an accident, he completely lost the direction of his life, lost himself, and lived like a walking dead.
remembers that Wang Zhanjun, director of the Beijing China Federation of Friendship Education and Technology Research Institute, once mentioned in his speech:
"A child obedient is a sign of failure in education.
A good child is most likely to make three mistakes, withdrawal, suicide and crime. There is another possibility: no interest, no specialty, and no pursuit. For a child like
, the best destination for him is to live his life in humiliation and mediocrity."
raises children too obediently Parents' biggest failure.
Parents make every decision for their children and help their children shield every difficulty, which will become an invisible bomb on the child's life, and one day in the future, the child will be caught off guard.
Kevin Kelly said in "Out of Control":
"Let life be free to go where it wants to go, it has its own power, it will adapt itself." Plan your life well, but help your child develop a strong self.
Only in this way can children successfully leave their parents and soar alone.
There has always been a butterfly revelation in the education world: the growth of a
butterfly must rely entirely on its own strength and struggle to break free from the shackles of the "cocoon", in order to break out of the cocoon and become a butterfly. During the whole process of
struggling to break free, it "can't bear" to witness its painful "good help", which will make it lose hope of flying forever.
The same goes for parenting.
Parents' arrangement, control and doting in the name of love are likely to break the child's independent wings and ruin the child's life that could have been brilliant.
The older generation often said:
people in this life, deserve to suffer hardships, no one can replace them.
The detours that should be taken and the south wall that should be hit are indispensable.
deserve to suffer, after all, he has to bear it by himself.
Countless tragedies of "Yuan Wu" warn us:
The most dangerous education is to raise a child with high scores and low abilities by meticulous parents.
Only let go and let the children experience their own life, ruthlessLet the child experience all the hardships he deserves and endure all kinds of difficulties, so that the child can have the confidence to live out himself and have the strength to stand firm in this world.
