Text丨Qingxin Junyue
"When this woman is pregnant, her body is still her own. The wife looks like a woman, the container she gave birth to is a woman, the mother looks like a woman, and the mother-in-law looks like a woman, who cares What is a woman like?"
, a pregnant woman who had lost four children in a row, told another pregnant woman in the next bed in the ward.
This is a scene from the TV series " Dear Life ". The show tells the story of 's obstetrician and gynecologist and pregnant women and their families, focusing on caring for women.
I just finished watching episode 5 before I started writing this article. The one who left the deepest impression on me was the pregnant woman in the play, Chen Ping.
Chen Ping's grief experience, Chen Ping's mother-in-law's ignorance and arrogance, and Chen Ping's husband's cowardly obedience in front of her mother made me sigh while watching.
mother-in-law: We have to dissect this time!
"She has given birth to two babies, both and , and now there is no indication for caesarean section. She is a multiparous woman, and the third birth should be no problem."
"But both babies died."
from From the moment Chen Ping, her husband and mother-in-law appeared on the stage, the atmosphere between the family of three was very strange. Chen Ping lay on the bed and bowed her head silently, her husband sat beside her, and her mother-in-law seemed to be the "big parent" that she was in charge of everything. Doctor
came to round the room, and mother-in-law Chen Ping firmly put forward her request: My daughter-in-law must have an autopsy.
When the doctor said that Chen Ping did not need an autopsy, Chen Ping's mother-in-law told some of the truth that she had concealed in the medical records. The children born by her daughter-in-law twice died prematurely.
Regarding the cause of death of the two children, Chen Ping's mother-in-law, according to her own speculation, believed that her daughter-in-law had a small butt and pinched the children to death.
This is naturally a judgment without any basis. But Chen Ping's mother-in-law was affirmative, and Chen Ping's husband kept silent. This unfounded judgment became the fact of the matter.
Therefore, Chen Ping needs to take on this "unwarranted" responsibility.
It's not over yet.
Afterwards, the doctor asked why she had to hide it from the medical records. Granny Chen Ping's words directly revealed the true attitude of the mother-in-law:
"We are too embarrassed to shout about such a shameful thing."
in the words " Shame.” The word says it all. At the same time, it also illustrates the difficulties that Chen Ping may have encountered in her family life in recent years.
the question is, how is this shameful?
Let's not talk about the cause of the child's death, it's just a guess. Even if the problem lies with Chen Ping, the word "shame" should not come out of the mother-in-law's mouth.
However, that's what it is.
This makes us have to think about a very realistic question: what kind of existence is a daughter-in-law to a mother-in-law.
Judging from the content shown in the play, at least in her mother-in-law's heart, Chen Ping is just a tool to "pass down the lineage". There's something wrong with the tool right now, so her mother-in-law would be ashamed.
This kind of thinking is naturally a backward and decadent concept.
But what we need to admit is that there are still some mothers-in-law who have this idea, and some daughters-in-law who are still struggling to survive under this idea.
I think this is one of the real bitterness of being a woman, that is, from the treasure in the palm of one's family to the "tool" in the heart of another family.
Husband: I have to discuss this with my mother.
"Your child died, it is very likely that your husband and wife are genetically incompatible. You should do a genetic test as soon as possible. , she will be very dangerous."
"I have to discuss this matter with my mother.", it was because the husband and wife were genetically incompatible, so he went to discuss with Chen Ping's husband as soon as possible, and suggested that the husband and wife do a genetic test.
is about the health of his daughter-in-law, but Chen Ping's husband was hesitant after hearing this, and finally said he would discuss it with his mother.
In fact, Chen Ping herself has always longed to have children of her own. She hopes to find out the real reason for the child's death. However, she did not dare to make her own request.
Not only that, she even concealed another truth from the medical records at the request of her mother-in-law: in addition to the two children who died, she also had two miscarriages.
is about the safety of herself and her children, why does Chen Ping dare not express her attitude clearly?
I think the problem mainly occurs in two aspects: one is the lack of right to speak; the other is forced guilt.
first talk about the "right to speak", why does Chen Ping have no right to speak. I want to see the friends here can think, because Chen Ping has no children.
Since ancient times, there has been a concept of "mother is worth the child".
Under the influence of this concept, the status and voice of women in the family depends entirely on the children they give birth to, as well as the gender of the children. This kind of situation should not exist today, but in fact, the more remote and backward places are, the more affected by this concept.
and Chen Ping, the three people, come from the countryside, so this situation is understandable.
In addition to the issue of "right to speak", Chen Ping herself felt guilty about her child's affairs.
She felt that no matter what the real reason was, it was her fault after all, that she failed to satisfy her mother-in-law's wish for a child, and failed to give birth to a son and a half daughter to her husband.
So, she considers herself unqualified to ask. Therefore, she could only obey her mother-in-law's arrangement.
Another pregnant woman in the bed next to Chen Ping learned that she helped her mother-in-law conceal her history of miscarriage, and also saw her guilt, and said to her:
"You can't listen to her anymore. This is not Your fault, your body is your own, you must be responsible for yourself."
So Chen Ping said the paragraph I wrote at the beginning of this article. She felt that that was what a woman looked like, a destiny that she could not escape as a woman.
This is another bitterness that I feel as a woman: in the constant devaluation of others, I can't help but take myself very lightly.
A fairly good reconciliation
In the end, Chen Ping failed to do genetic testing with her husband before entering the delivery room.
And this de facto "fifth" child, also died.
to add here. When Chen Ping entered the delivery room and the process of giving birth had already started, Chen Ping's mother-in-law broke into the delivery room and still asked the doctor to give her daughter-in-law a caesarean section.
I guessed that Chen Ping will wake up, although I really don't want to see it, this kind of awakening must come after suffering.
But I didn't expect that when Chen Ping asked for a divorce and didn't want to have another child, her husband was unwilling to divorce.
"We won't have children. If God makes us genetically incompatible and can't have healthy children, then we won't have children. It's fine for us to depend on each other for the rest of our lives... I won't listen to her (his mother) , I'm also forty years old, I want to be a responsible man... I figured it out, it's enough to have you."
If this man can get up like a man earlier, he will feel distressed earlier My wife, in fact, some things will not develop to this stage.
also because of the man's last words, when Chen Ping heard the doctor in charge of the bed saying that the problem of "genetic incompatibility" between the husband and wife could be stopped, she insisted on trying again despite her husband's objection.
She said she tried because she wanted children too. But I know that this is naturally one reason, and the otherher love for her husband.
It seems that everyone is happy with this good reconciliation, but I have not forgotten what Chen Ping suffered before. And the grievances, pains, and sorrows of the past all vanished under the man's final understanding.
Actually, this is another real bitterness of being a woman.
Women don't want much, but sometimes they don't get what they want. And when you really get it, when you taste the joy, you will no longer want to think about the bitterness and sorrow of the past.
Qingxin Junyue, an emotional observer, Ta storyteller and film critic. Warm you with words, me.
