Li Yang and his ex-wife Kim
reported on December 1 On November 28, Crazy English founder Li Yang’s ex-wife Kim sent a long post saying "I forgive my husband" "I will love me forever" "My husband is suspected to have remarried," he wrote, "My husband is a flawed person. His violent behavior is unquestionable. It is illegal and wrong, but more importantly, he is the three of me. Father of a lovely daughter". She didn't want her children to grow up with hatred or fear of marriage and family life. "Forgiveness" is a gift to himself and also a gift to Li Yang, "because it shows him true love, which is different from worship." In August 2011, Kim posted a picture of himself injured, saying that he suffered Arrived Li Yang domestic violence.
KIM full text:
I will always love my husband. Domestic violence is wrong and intolerable. These two are facts at the same time, although they seem to contradict each other. why? Because of forgiveness. We can forgive someone, but we don’t accept wrong behavior or make excuses for wrong behavior.
November 25 is the International Day for the End of Violence against Women, but the news headlines we see are all about celebrities being domesticated. These news headlines stirred my terrible memories and emotions. I believe it was not only me, but all domestic violence survivors felt the same way.
Compared with "domestic violence victim", I prefer to call myself "domestic violence survivor". Because "victim" means vulnerability, and in all likelihood, it will lead to "victim guilt theory." On the other hand, "surviving" requires strength, and I did it.
hurting a woman means hurting all of us, and it means that our status as women is weakened. When people condemned the victims, other victims also lost the courage to step out of the shadows. Fortunately, when a woman stands up and speaks out, we can all gain the strength to move forward. Few people realize that after standing up and speaking up, the wound will not be healed magically, it will be a long struggle. In this struggle, the main concept is forgiveness.
First of all, "forgiveness" (forgiveness) contains "give" in English. This is because "forgiveness" is a kind of "giving" to the injured person (victim or survivor). This is not something outsiders, friends, family or fans can force to ask for. Doctors, consultants, police or volunteers should not suggest "forgiveness" either. Their priority is to protect the legitimate rights and interests of victims and provide support.
To "forgive" is a very personal and very difficult decision. Only when the victim makes this decision at the time he feels right can he really heal. The superficial expressions of "forgive and forget", "everyone makes mistakes" or "your husband is a good man, you should forgive him" are especially harmful and unhelpful, and may even cause the victim to suffer more fatal injuries. No one can forget being attacked by a loved one. Really good people will not attack their spouses and children. Domestic violence is not a "mistake", domestic violence is illegal (from March 1, 2016, thank goodness), devastating, and malicious behavior choices. Everyone will be angry, every family will quarrel, but not everyone will choose violence. The offender made his own choice of behavior. The victim has the right to forgive.
I made this choice. I forgave my husband. But why? The first reason is the first sentence of this article. I love him. Yes, he hurt me, not only with his fists, but also with the merciless words he said in the interview. But love is not a pool that can be opened and closed at will. Every time I see someone ask the victim "Why don't you go", I tremble: relationship is not fast food that can be thrown away at will. The first slap in the face will not automatically release the love in your heartmeaning. This is why "forgiveness" must include behavior boundaries. I will never tolerate any violence, and I will never accept any excuses for violence.
So, does this mean that "forgiveness" is followed by "happiness and happiness"? of course not. Life is not a fairy tale. "Forgiveness" is a long process and requires constant psychological construction. This is not something that can be done overnight. Every time there is domestic violence in the news, or my child needs to go to the hospital, it will arouse those terrifying memories, sadness and even anger. Then I have to rebuild myself again. Sometimes I would take a long bath and cry. Sometimes I go to the gym for a run. This time, after seeing Yuya’s news, I decided to sit down and write a little bit for the first time; now I write more. "Forgiveness" is a gift I give myself because it makes me feel relieved. This is also a gift to Li Yang, because it shows him that true love is different from worship.
My husband is a flawed person. His violent actions need not be questioned, they are illegal and wrong. But he is also the one who smiles like a child while feeding the goldfish; the one who accompanies me all night to write English sentences; and more importantly, he is the father of my three lovely daughters. No matter how far away we are geographically or emotionally, I see Li Yang from the faces of the children every day. I don't want children to grow up with hatred, or fear of marriage or family life. I hope they understand: Loving yourself means never accepting violence. I did everything I can to let them see: Standing up to defend their rights does not mean holding hatred.
Four facts about "forgiveness":
is a decision made independently by the victim.
It does not mean tolerating domestic violence.
It does not mean that domestic abusers can escape the legal and social consequences.
It is a long process, not overnight.
(responsible editor: Li Si_NBJ11322)
