Article by Mi Li’s mother
Before, Mi Li’s mother told everyone that Qiu Qiu, the top student in our downstairs family, was diagnosed with depression and dropped out of school.
A top-notch student in Haidian, a high-quality child in the eyes of outsiders, is secretly suffering internal conflict and suffering in a corner where no one is paying attention.
It was the first time that I was so close and saw such a small child around me facing such a problem. To be honest, I was a little at a loss. I wanted to comfort me, but I didn’t know where to start.
Since then, Mi Li’s mother has been paying close attention to this information. Just a few days ago, I accidentally browsed a documentary "It's a Bad Emotion, It's Okay" on station B.
This is a medical documentary focusing on psychological emotions. It uses six "emotions" such as fear, sadness, anger, disgust, confusion, and worry as its themes to show how people in different living situations face work, emotions, and The confusion and pain encountered when entering higher education, employment, education, love, family and other life issues, as well as the efforts made to find a way out of the cocoon.
The most worth mentioning is that the documentary was filmed at No. 600 Wanping South Road, the famous Shanghai Mental Health Center. Here, we can see the most authoritative expert team and the most typical cases to help us face our emotions and embrace them. own emotions.
This documentary is currently in its third episode. Mi Li’s mother felt a lot after watching it. She also took this opportunity to talk about emotions with her sisters.
This documentary, I think, not only focuses on emotional illnesses, it also explores the stories behind these emotions, including parent-child relationships and some intergenerational issues. It is especially suitable for us or our parents to watch together. Face those topics that we may have deliberately avoided.
The documentary gave us a very shocking number at the beginning.
According to statistics from the World Health Organization, about 1 billion people around the world are troubled by mental illnesses; the "China Mental Health in 2023" blue book shows that there are currently 95 million people suffering from depression in our country.
In other words, on average, one in every 14 people suffers from depression or depression. The emotion introduced to us in the first episode of
is "fear".
The first protagonist is a girl named Youyang.
The scene that impressed Mi Li’s mother the most was when she held the school railing with both hands and looked longingly towards the campus.
’s snow-white forearms were marked by deep and shallow cuts with a knife.
One time before class, while waiting for the homeroom teacher to arrive, Youyang suddenly became ill. She couldn't control her behavior and ran to the school playground and cut her wrists.
After that, she was persuaded to leave the school and rested at home.
When other students were playing and playing in the playground, she often looked in through the railings.
She would also pass snacks and milk tea to her good friends along the gaps in the railings. They would also wait there, laughing and joking briefly with Youyang.
Youyang said, "This is my youth."
Her parents were very anxious after discovering her abnormality, but they did not know how to help her.They tried various ways to ease her mood, but the effect was not obvious.
’s mother took her to see a psychiatrist. When
was asked by a family counselor, she described her father as gentle, stable, and possessing all the good qualities.
But when asked about her mother, she came up with a series of negative words such as bitter, mean, harsh, anxious, and even said, "I think my mother is very mentally unhealthy."
What happened between the mother and daughter? What?
Melodious mother is a very capable and strong woman.
She used to be a teacher. She felt that she was a super amazing mother who could raise Youyou very well.
She felt that she had planned a beautiful future for Youyang, according to her own wishes and success in the worldly sense, but she never asked about Youyang's own thoughts.
When Youyang was a child, the most common thing her mother said to her was "you must do whatever you want", with only one purpose, to get her back to what she wanted.
It wasn’t until Youyang had serious emotional problems that she suddenly realized that she was totally wrong.
But in fact, Youyang’s mother was also disciplined in this way during her childhood.
When she was a child, she was particularly good at writing. Once, an article she wrote won a national competition award. At that time, she was the only one in the province to win this award. This was a sensation in the local area. She remembered clearly that the award was presented at the Great Hall of the People in their province.
Such an outstanding child, with such dazzling achievements, cannot get a word of praise from his father.
On the bus back after receiving the award, my father, who worked as a cadre in the court, said in front of a bus of people, "What's the use of just knowing how to write a composition."
This made the childhood mother of Youyou feel very ashamed. Her father's requests for her were always made in the form of accusations. Even now, Youyang's mother still often feels that she lacks the courage to be praised and affirmed.
grew up in such a native family, and her mother also became a person who is prone to anxiety and pursues perfection.
Suppressive education was the most annoying and unwanted part of her childhood. However, she did not fall behind at all and copied everything to Youyang.
Under this situation, Youyang is more like an extension of her mother's will, which was created by her mother to compensate for her unfulfilled wishes when she was a child. All she gets is conditional love. I will only love you if you achieve success and have achievements.
When she reflected on herself and realized all this, Youyang was already sick.
This is also a way of escape for Youyang. She cannot resist in the real world, so she projects her resistance into her subconscious and uses her illness to beg for her parents' care and attention.
They showed their strongest sides to each other, but at the same time they extremely longed for and needed each other's warmth and strength, so they were constantly entangled with each other in pain.
Fortunately, at the end of the story, Youyang’s mother discovered the problems in her relationship with Youyang, and was willing to actively change her own situation.
She not only began to actively learn psychiatry and psychology knowledge as soon as her daughter had psychological problems, but also jumped out of the quagmire of "suppression, judgment, and control" that she had suffered in the past, using scientific diagnosis and treatment methods, courage, determination and Love has paved a new way for the family.
Although this road is very difficult, although occasionally she still can't control herself, mother and daughter are trying to run in the direction of each other.
The second protagonist Yichen is beautiful and outstanding, with enviable academic qualifications, marriage and job. In the eyes of outsiders, she is so glamorous and a "winner in life", but deep down in her heart she is Full of low self-esteem and resentment, often eroded by the emotion of "I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy".
The root of all this began with an experience in her childhood.
Once, Xiao Yichen was lying on the ground drawing, and her beloved doll was lying beside her, accompanying her. At that time, my mother saw an English program on TV, so she asked Yichen to speak a few words in English to listen.
But Yichen, who was immersed in the painting, did not react for a moment and was unwilling to speak English. So, her mother suddenly became furious, grabbed the doll on the ground, and cut it into pieces.
Yichen watched her little baby's ears fall off and the cotton spilled all over the floor. She had no way to protect the baby and stop her mother's anger.
Such a move by her mother to vent her emotions left an indelible scar on Yichen’s young mind. Whenever she recalled this experience, Yichen would burst into tears. The emotions of self-blame and pain were intertwined, making her unable to extricate herself.
But in fact, Yichen’s mother did not realize at the time that one of her actions had caused such great harm to her daughter.
She herself was a victim of childhood.
When Yichen’s mother was young, she followed her father to eat in the cafeteria. Sometimes, her father’s colleagues would come to tease her, but such behavior made her father furious.
He couldn't fall out with his colleagues, so he turned around and slapped his daughter.
This inexplicable anger also ran through Yichen’s mother’s childhood. In fact, Yichen's mother was also the child who never received love from her grandfather, and she didn't know how to express her love.
Children are always looking for recognition, seeking to be loved, and the sense of loss of not getting what they want is inherited from generation to generation.
There is a famous saying in the psychological counseling circle: "When parents are sick, children take medicine." This is the situation.
The bond between parent and child is the most intimate but also the most complex relationship in the world.
This is where you come from, and it is the foundation for shaping your personality. Therefore, it is happy and even more lucky to have a native family that is warm, tolerant, respectful and loving.
Many times, when parents face their children’s emotional problems, they tend to ignore their children’s feelings, or even use simple and crude ways to solve them. But doing so will not only fail to solve the problem, but will make the child's emotional problems more serious.
Children will have setbacks on their own growth path. A healthy family environment can provide support, giving children the strength and courage to fight monsters and upgrade. However, a sick family not only fails to provide support, but also turns the child into a camel carrying a heavy burden.
Therefore, we must learn to listen to our children, understand their feelings, and give them enough care and support. We can also continue to repair and heal our childhood selves in the process of raising children.
In fact, Mi Li’s mother also wants to say that emotions are not divided into good and bad, but when some emotions that need to be heard lack an outlet, they will be released in a fierce way.
But don’t be afraid, the power of love is stronger than we imagine. Accept everything, embrace yourself, and someone will love you wholeheartedly.
profile of : @米里马爱Sharing MiLi’s mother, a returnee from the United States and a parent in Haidian. Focus on learning practical information, educational experience and further education. Article by Mi Li’s mother Before, Mi Li’s mother told everyone that Qiu Qiu, the top student in our downstairs family, was diagnosed with depression and dropped out of school. A top-notch student in Haidian, a high-quality child in the eyes of outsiders, is secretly suffering internal conflict and suffering in a corner where no one is paying attention. It was the first time that I was so close and saw such a small child around me facing such a problem. To be honest, I was a little at a loss. I wanted to comfort me, but I didn’t know where to start. Since then, Mi Li’s mother has been paying close attention to this information. Just a few days ago, I accidentally browsed a documentary "It's a Bad Emotion, It's Okay" on station B. This is a medical documentary focusing on psychological emotions. It uses six "emotions" such as fear, sadness, anger, disgust, confusion, and worry as its themes to show how people in different living situations face work, emotions, and The confusion and pain encountered when entering higher education, employment, education, love, family and other life issues, as well as the efforts made to find a way out of the cocoon. The most worth mentioning is that the documentary was filmed at No. 600 Wanping South Road, the famous Shanghai Mental Health Center. Here, we can see the most authoritative expert team and the most typical cases to help us face our emotions and embrace them. own emotions. This documentary is currently in its third episode. Mi Li’s mother felt a lot after watching it. She also took this opportunity to talk about emotions with her sisters. This documentary, I think, not only focuses on emotional illnesses, it also explores the stories behind these emotions, including parent-child relationships and some intergenerational issues. It is especially suitable for us or our parents to watch together. Face those topics that we may have deliberately avoided. The documentary gave us a very shocking number at the beginning. According to statistics from the World Health Organization, about 1 billion people around the world are troubled by mental illnesses; the "China Mental Health in 2023" blue book shows that there are currently 95 million people suffering from depression in our country. In other words, on average, one in every 14 people suffers from depression or depression. The emotion introduced to us in the first episode of is "fear". The first protagonist is a girl named Youyang. The scene that impressed Mi Li’s mother the most was when she held the school railing with both hands and looked longingly towards the campus. ’s snow-white forearms were marked by deep and shallow cuts with a knife. One time before class, while waiting for the homeroom teacher to arrive, Youyang suddenly became ill. She couldn't control her behavior and ran to the school playground and cut her wrists. After that, she was persuaded to leave the school and rested at home. When other students were playing and playing in the playground, she often looked in through the railings. She would also pass snacks and milk tea to her good friends along the gaps in the railings. They would also wait there, laughing and joking briefly with Youyang. Youyang said, "This is my youth." Her parents were very anxious after discovering her abnormality, but they did not know how to help her.They tried various ways to ease her mood, but the effect was not obvious. ’s mother took her to see a psychiatrist. When was asked by a family counselor, she described her father as gentle, stable, and possessing all the good qualities. But when asked about her mother, she came up with a series of negative words such as bitter, mean, harsh, anxious, and even said, "I think my mother is very mentally unhealthy." What happened between the mother and daughter? What? Melodious mother is a very capable and strong woman. She used to be a teacher. She felt that she was a super amazing mother who could raise Youyou very well. She felt that she had planned a beautiful future for Youyang, according to her own wishes and success in the worldly sense, but she never asked about Youyang's own thoughts. When Youyang was a child, the most common thing her mother said to her was "you must do whatever you want", with only one purpose, to get her back to what she wanted. It wasn’t until Youyang had serious emotional problems that she suddenly realized that she was totally wrong. But in fact, Youyang’s mother was also disciplined in this way during her childhood. When she was a child, she was particularly good at writing. Once, an article she wrote won a national competition award. At that time, she was the only one in the province to win this award. This was a sensation in the local area. She remembered clearly that the award was presented at the Great Hall of the People in their province. Such an outstanding child, with such dazzling achievements, cannot get a word of praise from his father. On the bus back after receiving the award, my father, who worked as a cadre in the court, said in front of a bus of people, "What's the use of just knowing how to write a composition." This made the childhood mother of Youyou feel very ashamed. Her father's requests for her were always made in the form of accusations. Even now, Youyang's mother still often feels that she lacks the courage to be praised and affirmed. grew up in such a native family, and her mother also became a person who is prone to anxiety and pursues perfection. Suppressive education was the most annoying and unwanted part of her childhood. However, she did not fall behind at all and copied everything to Youyang. Under this situation, Youyang is more like an extension of her mother's will, which was created by her mother to compensate for her unfulfilled wishes when she was a child. All she gets is conditional love. I will only love you if you achieve success and have achievements. When she reflected on herself and realized all this, Youyang was already sick. This is also a way of escape for Youyang. She cannot resist in the real world, so she projects her resistance into her subconscious and uses her illness to beg for her parents' care and attention. They showed their strongest sides to each other, but at the same time they extremely longed for and needed each other's warmth and strength, so they were constantly entangled with each other in pain. Fortunately, at the end of the story, Youyang’s mother discovered the problems in her relationship with Youyang, and was willing to actively change her own situation. She not only began to actively learn psychiatry and psychology knowledge as soon as her daughter had psychological problems, but also jumped out of the quagmire of "suppression, judgment, and control" that she had suffered in the past, using scientific diagnosis and treatment methods, courage, determination and Love has paved a new way for the family. Although this road is very difficult, although occasionally she still can't control herself, mother and daughter are trying to run in the direction of each other. The second protagonist Yichen is beautiful and outstanding, with enviable academic qualifications, marriage and job. In the eyes of outsiders, she is so glamorous and a "winner in life", but deep down in her heart she is Full of low self-esteem and resentment, often eroded by the emotion of "I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy". The root of all this began with an experience in her childhood. Once, Xiao Yichen was lying on the ground drawing, and her beloved doll was lying beside her, accompanying her. At that time, my mother saw an English program on TV, so she asked Yichen to speak a few words in English to listen. But Yichen, who was immersed in the painting, did not react for a moment and was unwilling to speak English. So, her mother suddenly became furious, grabbed the doll on the ground, and cut it into pieces. Yichen watched her little baby's ears fall off and the cotton spilled all over the floor. She had no way to protect the baby and stop her mother's anger. Such a move by her mother to vent her emotions left an indelible scar on Yichen’s young mind. Whenever she recalled this experience, Yichen would burst into tears. The emotions of self-blame and pain were intertwined, making her unable to extricate herself. But in fact, Yichen’s mother did not realize at the time that one of her actions had caused such great harm to her daughter. She herself was a victim of childhood. When Yichen’s mother was young, she followed her father to eat in the cafeteria. Sometimes, her father’s colleagues would come to tease her, but such behavior made her father furious. He couldn't fall out with his colleagues, so he turned around and slapped his daughter. This inexplicable anger also ran through Yichen’s mother’s childhood. In fact, Yichen's mother was also the child who never received love from her grandfather, and she didn't know how to express her love. Children are always looking for recognition, seeking to be loved, and the sense of loss of not getting what they want is inherited from generation to generation. There is a famous saying in the psychological counseling circle: "When parents are sick, children take medicine." This is the situation. The bond between parent and child is the most intimate but also the most complex relationship in the world. This is where you come from, and it is the foundation for shaping your personality. Therefore, it is happy and even more lucky to have a native family that is warm, tolerant, respectful and loving. Many times, when parents face their children’s emotional problems, they tend to ignore their children’s feelings, or even use simple and crude ways to solve them. But doing so will not only fail to solve the problem, but will make the child's emotional problems more serious. Children will have setbacks on their own growth path. A healthy family environment can provide support, giving children the strength and courage to fight monsters and upgrade. However, a sick family not only fails to provide support, but also turns the child into a camel carrying a heavy burden. Therefore, we must learn to listen to our children, understand their feelings, and give them enough care and support. We can also continue to repair and heal our childhood selves in the process of raising children. In fact, Mi Li’s mother also wants to say that emotions are not divided into good and bad, but when some emotions that need to be heard lack an outlet, they will be released in a fierce way. But don’t be afraid, the power of love is stronger than we imagine. Accept everything, embrace yourself, and someone will love you wholeheartedly. profile of : @米里马爱Sharing MiLi’s mother, a returnee from the United States and a parent in Haidian. Focus on learning practical information, educational experience and further education.
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