Original title: Love is still a game for the brave - a review of the variety show "Goodbye Lover"
In the Mingxiu landscape, "Goodbye Lover" attempts to present the "BE aesthetics" on the screen.
Sun Cishan
The broadcast of the third season of "Goodbye Lover" and the discussions and disputes surrounding it have made it a topical and phenomenon-level literary and artistic work. Therefore, as the third season of the show has just ended and related discussions are still in the ascendant, we may continue to ask how the sorting and presentation of intimate relationships with "separation" as the background will serve audiences in various life situations outside the screen. What inspirations and opportunities have they brought, and how does this variety show shape a viewing mode that is different from traditional film and television dramas.
In the end, when we carry our doubts and desires about all kinds of life, we use "love" as a passport to shuttle between inside and outside the camera, between the virtual and the real world, greeting each other, confronting, compromising, comforting, and How can our needs and fears be accommodated in the context of reconciliation? Under the beautiful title of "lover", in the sadness and hope of "goodbye", what complex and intricate quality of life and cultural issues are contained?
"Authenticity" and "Sincerity"
It can be found that compared to love variety shows that frequently "spread sugar" and family ethics and marriage mediation programs with repeated "bloody" plots, "Goodbye Lover" focuses on intimate relationships. Conflict disagreements seem to be more common in . The exposure of such contradictions and the problematic marital status itself may bring a sense of reality to most people, and can also arouse wider resonance. For example, the dissatisfaction and misunderstanding between divorced or potential breakup partners about the other partner's living habits, communication methods, mental state, and emotional expression ability seem to be commonplace in the lives of every family and couple. Related fragments are Non-hysterical quarrels are often the ones that trigger the most extended discussions and become the most topical.
However, in the setting of the RV trip, the resolution or relaxation of these problems and conflicts seems to be easier than in the real world. In a "vacuum" environment that is relatively separated from daily trivial matters, in the sparsely populated Mingxiu landscape specially selected by the program team, the feeling of "feathers all over the place" almost disappears from the camera, causing the pain, disputes and embarrassment of separation to be temporarily eliminated. Lovers who retire and drift away can often reap their "beautiful moments".
The divorce variety show thus contributed a new sample of "BE aesthetics". However, on this basis, can the "truth" of marriage documentary programs still be established? Perhaps apart from the direct confrontation and presentation of objectively existing emotional issues, the authenticity of such literary and artistic works also depends on the subjective attitudes of the participating guests and producers. In this sense, "sincerity" seems to be a more urgent pursuit than "truth."
Although the motivations of the guests who come to participate in the recording of the show may be different and complicated, as the program producer Liu Le said to the guests, the basic premise for participating in this variety show is to be willing to "face your own real dilemma." , behind this sincerity is that an emotional relationship "really takes root" in the hearts of those who experience it. The sincerity of the attitude has become the internal criterion for the audience to measure the performance of the guests and the quality of the program, as well as the focus of "authenticity". This is a continuation of the ancient maxim of sincerity in rhetoric, and it is precisely because of this blessing of sincerity that emotional reality shows can amplify rather than exaggerate the love and pain in the real world, and present to the audience outside the screen a show that is performative rather than exaggerated. Pretentious "truth". Although the "real dilemma" cannot be solved by one program, and all the complexities of human nature and emotional relationships will not be fully revealed due to the sincerity of the participants, in any case, the pursuit of "sincerity" in facing oneself and others still shapes the The unique cultural value of this type of program.
Comfort, call and reflection
It is said that "happy families are all similar, and every unhappy family has its own misfortunes". In fact, "happiness" and "unfortunate" may have thousands of appearances.In programs shrouded in the "shadow of divorce", rather than saying that various "unhappy" families and marriages constitute "alarm bells" and "tips" to viewers' real lives, it is better to say that their presentation just makes us Emotional experiences that have no time to think about and even all kinds of unspeakable emotions have an opportunity to sort out, ponder and release.
Just like in the "Thirty-Six Questions" and couples' stare-down sessions set up in the program, the guests are often moved by thinking about the past and seeing their present and past selves through the eyes of their lovers. When we see the performance of the people on the screen, Recognizing oneself seems to gain some comfort and understanding.
However, the audience's psychological appeal does not stop there. While "seeing ourselves", confirming and understanding our own emotions and situations, we also need to "see others".
During the recording process of the program, guests who are dissatisfied with their partners and emotional relationships often capture the "strange" side of their former partners at a certain point. This moment of re-familiarization may stem from a fierce battle. Sudden accidents such as quarrels, carefully set situations, illness during the journey, or may only occur in seemingly casual daily details. It is this kind of experience that prompted the guests to reflect on their own increasingly solidified perceptions in close relationships. Whether the way of knowledge and expression intentionally or unintentionally blocks the communication signals sent by the other party, thus missing the opportunity to understand each other and repair the relationship. And the fatigue, dissatisfaction and disgust that are thought to be caused by "over-familiarity" and "loss of novelty" may be precisely rooted in the lack of a true and appropriate understanding of the other party. In self-isolation day after day, the original passion is inevitably worn away, and the "lover" becomes the "most familiar stranger".
Although from the perspective of psychoanalysis, people are looking for objects of projection of their own desires throughout their lives, the carriers of such desires are not "objects" in the abstract sense, but concrete and real people. Therefore, Love as a dynamic process does not only mean seeing oneself in the eyes of the lover and repeatedly confirming one's own desires, but also establishing a deep connection with an individual who is different from oneself in a common life. In this process, attraction and repulsion may always coexist, and it is they that create a very tense and vivid emotional experience. No matter where this feeling goes, it is always a confirmation of the vitality of the individual and the richness of reality.
For viewers, such findings are equally revealing. It can temporarily tear off the various labels that classify and identify people, reducing each person into a complex and constantly changing contradictory body. Only by acknowledging the diversity of life experiences and respecting and understanding the specific and subtle differences between people can we truly fall in love with "concrete people" rather than abstract symbols or shadows of ourselves.
Finally, on the basis of seeing "self" and "others", emotional programs may also seek to further expand their horizons and illuminate society, the times, and all living beings from various emotional models that are both typical and unique. . Whether we are aware of it or not, this is how historical tides influence all emotions and interpersonal relationships, shaping the appearance of the living world. It is also the layer-by-layer penetration of certain social structural elements that weaves together our daily separations and gatherings. Scattered with small joys and sorrows. If you have this kind of historical awareness, you will definitely gain a deeper understanding of "sameness" and "difference" while retaining a delicate understanding of specific emotional experiences while looking at the problems and dilemmas encountered by individuals from a broader perspective. understand.
The Unbearable Weight of Love
Observing the program design of the three seasons of "Goodbye Lover" and the discussions on social media, we can find that the expansion and analysis of topic areas and the increase in the discourse system for dealing with emotional issues may have occurred in the two years since the program was broadcast. Become some kind of general trend with common characteristics.
Within the program, "Goodbye Lover" has gradually invited more scholars in sociology, psychology, and journalism and communication to join the "observation group" camp in addition to people in the entertainment industry, and use the corresponding knowledge system and way of thinking to analyze the emotional crux of the guests. Make an analysis and then provide certain solutions. These methods may also be of reference value to the audience.Judging from the discussion topics generated by the online platform around the program, they seem to have gone beyond the scope of "love" itself, involving views on the original family, school education, the marriage and property system, as well as the need for relationship mediation and psychological intervention. and awareness of possibility, as well as more serious topics such as disease, aging, and death.
As mentioned above, these hot topics of discussion are often a microcosm of the culture of the times, and are even directly related to the thorny issues faced by certain types of people when the program is broadcast. These topic threads appeared more or less in the three seasons of "Goodbye Lover" and were further clarified and extended by related discussions. Therefore, when we talk about "love", they are often included in the category of speech, as if it is an emotional issue. It is the intersection, fusion and incarnation of many of the above issues. Over time, various phenomena and problems discovered and discussed in the name of "emotion" are also expected to be solved in an emotional way. This is also the reason why emotional variety shows have become so popular in recent years.
However, it may still be worth considering whether emotion, or love as a kind of emotion, can shoulder this important task. Emotion has its own power and charm, but it probably cannot be the ultimate solution to explain or solve all problems. A life of love and justice should be an ideal state, but it cannot eliminate the troubles, regrets, confusion and pain that life should have. Only by facing up to the limitations of emotions, unblocking emotions in a timely manner, and carefully analyzing the degree and method of emotions can we prevent the ability to speak, analyze, and perform emotions from becoming a tool for self-deception. This also helps individuals and groups in the real world to find a moderate balance between overly persistent and hasty emotional states, and to engage in fresh and vivid emotional flows with a more mature and healthy attitude to welcome the unknown scenery.
In the final analysis, "love" is still a game for the brave. It requires fearless strength and the flexibility and toughness of the soul. The summoning and cultivation of this tough emotional state may also be part of the title of emotional reality shows.
(The author is a doctoral student in the Chinese Department of Peking University)
[Source: Wenhui Po]
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