After becoming a mother, I don't have my own name

Author: Orange Xiaobai

This article is published by: Chengzi Momo (Chengzi-momo)

with authorization

1

I have known A for 6 years.

When I met A, she had just given birth to Dabao. It was still summer at that time, and she was wearing a long colorful dress and a pair of white high-heeled sandals, and her gestures were full of elegance.

I chatted with her, why do you come out to walk the baby during the day.

She said that she resigned and took care of the children at home.

I said, I don't dare to resign, I always feel that it will be difficult to find a job again in the future. She said that in my industry, there are many opportunities to go to work again.

In the next 6 years, I didn't see her go to work again. I often take my baby with me, and there are always many mothers around me chatting and chatting with her. When the first baby was in the middle class of kindergarten, she was pregnant with the second child smoothly.

watched her happily conceived and gave birth to her second child, and always felt that the days of raising a baby were particularly comfortable with her.

that day I saw A was yelling at the second kid because he refused to go home for dinner. A's face is tired, without makeup, and his skin is dull.

Seeing her distraught look, I stepped forward to comfort her. I chatted with her, and you said what it feels like to be a full-time second-baby mother.

A said angrily, "It's true, when I became a mother, I didn't even have my own name in the end."

Hey, it really is.

２

After A resigned, he took care of the baby every day, and it was difficult to go out. A gradually had fewer gatherings with former colleagues and friends.

But A, who is enthusiastic, cheerful and likes to help others, always has a lot of friends around him. They are other mothers who he naturally met while walking the baby.

In the relationship I met because of the baby, the baby is of course the first in the relationship.

My baby was walking in the community before she was 3 years old. When everyone saw you, most of them didn't know who you were, but they would always call out the baby's name loudly. So A became the baby's accessory, so-and-so's mother.

I remember the first time I heard this name and I was not used to it. I muttered to myself for a long time: I made up the baby’s name,

, and I also gave birth to the baby. Why did I become a so-and-so mother in the end? Attachments to my work.

When I first gave birth to Dabao, I thought about it: I am such an important producer, shouldn't my baby be called the child of so-and-so, so as to show the dignity of my status.

But after the baby enters kindergarten, this so-and-so mother is even more legitimate. The teacher calls you that, and the parents of your classmates call you that too.

No matter how much you and one of the classmate’s mothers can drink together, scold the teacher, scold the husband, or even lie in the same bed (when traveling with the baby together), she still stubbornly calls you, so-and-so’s mother, not yours name.

3

I received a lot of calls before, most of them were Miss X, are you interested in a certain investment project? Miss XX, I am from XX Fitness Center. Ms. X, have you considered changing jobs recently?

But as the baby went to kindergarten, the calls I started to receive every day were:

XX’s mother, we are

XX’s mother from the art school, we are online English, I will give your baby a free English lesson class.

Mom so and so, we are $%@ thinking, let's bring your baby here.

originated from the Internet

The most amazing thing is that Taobao , which is the most popular website every day, is slowly pushing all mother and baby products on the homepage. This page is full of diaper milk powder, just like the computer is shouting at you loudly, Mom, come and buy it.

At the end, at the fruit shop downstairs, I joined a group. Xiao A said that she also habitually signed XX’s mother, went to the yoga studio to exercise, and began to call herself XX’s mother, and even chatted in the community owner group For official business, she also took the initiative to introduce herself as a certain mother.

I listened to herBitter, I added a sentence strangely, you should be the mother of XX+Chacha, because you should be the mother of Erbao.

I got a hundred rolls of eyes from her.

４

recently followed a Korean drama " Romance is a separate volume appendix " made by a man I love deeply.

Hey, I basically don't play any of Ershuo's dramas. But this time his drama made me a little surprised, because it was about sibling love, and the heroine who was loved was 37 years younger than Er Shuo by a full seven or eight years. The heroine in

is a divorced mother with a child.

Watching this drama really made countless mothers feel heartbroken. The husband had a mistress, and the heroine was ruthlessly abandoned. She had to go for a new interview, but for 7 years as a housewife, the cut-off was too severe. She looked for fifty jobs, but none of them were willing to hire her.

They think, what can I hire you for? You will not be content to be an ordinary employee. But it is impossible for me to give you the position of team leader.

In the end, she voluntarily lowered the requirements for the interview, and only then did she get a job as a odd job in a publishing house. She worked very hard on this job.

The heroine saw her name for the first time in the book she helped publish. She happily kissed and kissed the book, and said, I finally have my own name.

5

name means something to us.

to Ai, once we are born, the name is pretty much the first word you use to define yourself and distinguish things around you.

When someone calls your name, it means that the other party has seen you. You just know, hey, it turns out that this clump of mine has been seen.

So when I first started being called so-and-so's mother, I was not used to it: the person who spoke, you didn't see the hardest-working mother at all.

Working mothers, when switching between work and family, sometimes the sense of loss is not so strong.

But a full-time mother is different, because she lives in a world where people around her can't see themselves, only their babies.

The panic caused by not being able to see is really powerful to some extent.

My friend A later told me that the biggest consequence of having a baby for so many years is:

Her career ambitions are overwhelmed. She, who is already very good, needs to prove her sense of existence too much.

6

You can guess the ending of this story later. The result of

's friend A's enthusiasm is that he later opened a picture book library . She runs a shop during the day and takes care of the baby at night. During holidays, besides taking care of the children, she often takes the children from the picture book library to sketch.

All work paperwork and plans are completed after the two babies go to bed, that is, after 10:30 in the middle of the night.

life is getting harder. I often feel that she is too hard on herself. Sometimes I watched her white hair a little more, and wrinkles began to appear.

But her cheerful smile is back. In the selfies in the circle of friends, she also looks more calm.

She is still the mother who loves to help others and has a cheerful personality, which naturally attracts many children by her side.

So her small picture book library has been quite successful. Every day, children from the community go to the picture book library to play, listen to her storytelling, and ask her to teach how to do handicrafts.

When she is free, she practices calligraphy and painting by herself. Every time she posts a selfie of her painting that day in Moments, the signature on the back looks extraordinarily out of the ordinary. From that autograph,

seemed to be yelling loudly at the audience, hey, I'm here.

Her team is also growing stronger and stronger, from one or two teachers joining, to now there are nearly ten teachers.

Small Picture Book Library is now planning to open a second branch library.

However, she is still the so-and-so mother, because the children are used to calling her the curator's mother. It's just that in the small team, every time we have a meeting, her name comes back.

7

I often think of "Downton Abbey", the heir Matthew (another meThe man I loved) was killed in a car accident (and then I gave up the show)

His wise and rational mother mourned, but there was no screaming. She just said sadly to friends who came to visit, the worst thing for me is that I am not a mother anymore.

I just became a mother when I watched the drama, and I was surprised by this feeling—why I have such a deep nostalgia for the identity of a mother.

has been a mother for 6 years now, and after becoming a mother of two children, he is a bit reluctant to lose this title. Partly because of habit, more because of the word "mother", let us get more.

understands vulnerability, attachment, empathy, and unconditional love.

I originally wanted to persuade: We mothers, no matter what, we must try our best to grasp our own names in the vast ocean of children.

But at the end of writing, I found that those who are still so-and-so mothers can still be excellent and proud. Their names are still remembered by many people.

such as A.

For every mother, there are two TITILEs on her head. One is the mother, and the other is yourself.

If cross-border slash youth is the trend nowadays, then every mother is a proud slash youth, a flexible cross-border expert, right?