01
On September 22, Sun Yi posted a photo of her holding her daughter on her personal Weibo, with the text: The child is five years old.
Some netizens commented: has money, looks, jobs, children, and is single. Don't worry about family chores, this life is not too cool!
Sun Yi has been in good shape since the official announcement of her divorce.
I thought Dong Zijian wouldn't give his daughter birthday wishes, but at 6 o'clock in the afternoon, Dong Zijian posted a silhouette of him and his daughter with five cake emojis.
They are divorced, but for children, they are still father and mother, and it will not change a little because of their divorce. They still love the child, take care of her growth, and remember the most important day for her.
Good divorce, as it should be.
officially announced their divorce in August. Sun Yi and Dong Zijian have been divorced for 45 days.
How do divorced couples deal with each other's relationship? Want to block it? Do you want to delete contact details? To forget each other in the rivers and lakes?
Divorce is different from breaking up. When two people fall in love, after breaking up, they can stay away from each other. But when it comes to divorce, as long as you have children, there is no way to not keep in touch. You have to think about your children. You don’t have to live together if you don’t love each other, but because your relationship has changed, the relationship between you and your children has also changed.
Really mature divorced couples will not be enemies;
Really mature divorced couples will break up with dignity;
Sincere and mature divorced couples will still love their children well.
02
Not long ago, a male reader approached me and said he didn't know whether to go to his ex-wife's place to celebrate his daughter's birthday.
He and his ex-wife have been divorced for two years, because it would be better for his daughter to follow her mother, so he did not compete with his ex-wife for custody of his daughter. His daughter is five years old and looks very cute. He loves his daughter very much. Although he is divorced from his ex-wife, he spends a day or two every month to accompany his daughter, as well as child support. , he will serve it regularly. If his ex-wife is too late to pick up the child from school, he will go to help; if the child is sick, as long as the ex-wife calls him, he will take the child to the hospital.
Some friends laugh at him for caring so much about his ex-wife and children, so let's just remarry.
But he said, remarriage is impossible, my ex-wife and I can no longer live together, I just love my daughter more, I will think if I don't see her for a month, and I can't see my daughter being wronged. Originally, our divorce was enough to make her sad. It was our adults who were sorry for her. How could I ignore her? Doing her, loving her, taking care of her, raising her, isn't what my father should do?
When he was single, it was okay to deal with his ex-wife like this; but later, he remarried. After
remarried, the current one had many troubles with him because he often went to see his daughter, and scolded him that since he still had feelings for his ex-wife, why did he still look for her? Because of his current relationship, he saw his daughter less often. The daughter called him and asked him, "Dad, why don't you come to see me?" He was very sad but could do nothing.
But this time it was his daughter's 5th birthday, and he also agreed to her daughter's birthday, but he was afraid he couldn't explain it to the current one, who was too careful.
After listening to his statement, I said to him directly: "What's wrong with a father who wants to celebrate his daughter's birthday? Could it be that you divorced your ex-wife, and your daughter is not your daughter? , as long as you tell the incumbent about it in advance, she has no right to interfere with you. If your incumbent is unclear about the important affairs, and she does not respect you, then is your marriage still necessary? She married you I knew you were a divorced man and had a daughter when you were married. Since she married you, it was equivalent to accepting everything from you.It's not just that you shouldn't care, a smart woman will buy a gift for the children on this day, and will specially invite your daughter to the house. "
Divorce and reorganization of the family is very complicated, not only involving the children of the ex, but also possibly the ex.
Decent divorced couples can say that they can continue to communicate for the sake of their children after divorce, but they are afraid After marriage, the current one will not accept your relationship with your ex; couples who are divorced in an indecent way will never get along with each other after divorce, but such a heartless way may harm the child, and you both become enemies, so how should the child face it? What about you?
What is the ideal divorce relationship?
You still love your children after your divorce, you should accompany them, celebrate your birthday, the current one should respect your relationship with your ex, and the current one has no reason not to let you Love children. At the same time, you must have your own attitude towards the current one: I am married to you, that's right, but you have no right to separate my relationship with my ex-children.
As long as your attitude is clear, It's easy to deal with it. It's time to go. It doesn't matter if he is angry or not. What's the matter with you? ?
is ridiculous!
has a term in psychology, calling a divorce is a rational divorce, but there are very few people in the world who can be rational.
You are like Faye Wong and Li Yapeng have achieved a rational divorce , they will still accompany their children well after the divorce, and the two of them can be in a very relaxed and natural state.
and Jia Jingwen and ex-husband Sun Zhihao , they did not achieve a rational divorce when they divorced, and the two people's divorce lawsuit From the United States to Taiwan, China, Alyssa Chia cried bitterly in front of the media, and the two sides had a lot of trouble. But what happened after many years? She and her ex-husband both have current positions, and both have children with the current ones, but they can be for their common daughter. The Wutong girl is in the same frame.
The ex-husband hurt you, do we have to live this life with hatred?
Alyssa Chia's treatment is for the sake of the children, she chooses to reconcile with her ex-husband and let go of everything in the past. The divorce of
is affected by Children are the ones who hurt the most. When an adult's relationship breaks down, it will bring disaster to the pond fish. But no matter what, the child is innocent, and you can be separated if your relationship is not good. It is still necessary to let the child grow up in a healthy and loving environment.
This is The responsibility and responsibility of divorced couples to their children. There is a sentence in
" Xiaohuanxi " :
"A child is half from his mother and half from his father. Whether it is the mother who speaks ill of the father or the father who speaks ill of the mother, it will make the child think that I am bad. The divorce of husband and wife has already caused a sense of abandonment. If you stop the father of the child from visiting her, it will slowly erase the child's insecurity. Your ex may not be a good partner, but he may not be a good dad. Divorce can only represent the failure of your marriage and the disintegration of the relationship between husband and wife, but it does not represent the end of the parent-child relationship. "
I give this sentence to all divorced couples, so that they can become a real adult and mature.
Although they are divorced, they must handle the relationship with their ex, and at the same time, they must treat their children as well as before.
If there are parent-child activities for children in kindergarten, they should participate in it; children should be blessed and accompanied on their birthdays; children should be accompanied by children on Children's Day; if they are sick and need someone to take care of them, of course you should go; The fee must be given regularly every month, and there cannot be a slight change.
Even if you remarried and have a child with your current one, you can't ignore your ex's child, as long as you still want your share with your child Family.
adults are divorced, but no matter what, don't let the child feel that he has been abandoned. He has not been abandoned. Mom and Dad still love her and love her. I hope that every divorced couple can handle their relationship with each other properly in this way.
Today's topic: After the divorce, the custody of the child is given to the ex, will you still spend the birthday with the child? Welcome to leave a message for discussion.
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★ Author: YIBAO; original author of emotions, writing warm feelings in this world.
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