text丨Qingxin Junyue
Hospital obstetrics ward.
Expectant mother A: "Are you in such a hurry to give birth to this child?"
Expectant mother B: "Yes. And it must be vaginal delivery . Because only vaginal delivery can be discharged within 24 hours, if a caesarean section is performed, it must be in the hospital I live for three days. So I can't do an anatomy."
Expectant mother A: "Then you won't be confinement?"
Expectant mother B: "No sitting! After giving birth, you will lie there for a month, that is a woman who has nothing to do. I just did it."
Expectant mother A: "You are really amazing, and you are too assertive yourself."
Expectant mother B: "I graduated from college, started as an intern, worked my way up, and worked my way up to the company CEO. I didn't dare to relax for a moment, because as long as you are willing to relax, someone else will replace you. Even when I got married, I only took two days off. Then I became pregnant, and every week someone came to the chairman's office. Ask, how is she, do you want to take a leave? I don't believe it anymore. I worked hard while working out, and I just kept working until yesterday."
...
This is in the TV series " Dear Life " of a conversation.
Expectant mother B, called Yuan Ya, is a typical strong woman in the workplace. In order to fight for her career, she didn't conceive her first child until the age of forty, and in order to keep her career, she worked until she passed her due date before being admitted to the hospital. After
learned that the vaginal delivery could be discharged earlier, she insisted that she must give birth naturally, and within a day of being admitted to the hospital, she strongly requested the doctor Du Di ( Song Qian ) to give her an induction injection.
As for the reason, as Yuan Ya said in the opening dialogue, she doesn't want to lose her career.
I admire and respect Yuan Ya from the bottom of my heart. It's not that I am deliberately advertising and calling for women's independence, but that in Yuan Ya, I see the appearance of a woman with a strong heart.
Dilemma
As a 40-year-old mother, Yuan Ya really doesn't want to take a break and let herself take a breath?
didn't want to, but didn't dare.
As she says in the show, once she leaves her post for more than three days, someone will take her place. And to this day, since graduating from university, she has not dared to stop for a moment, and has desperately exchanged it. Once
loses this position, it is equivalent to losing the youth of the past twenty years.
can have several decades in his life, and no one wants to see their years of hard work go to waste. If she really wants to give up her career because of childbirth, then she doesn't have to work hard for so many years.
But then again, a 40-year-old is already an advanced mother. If she doesn't have children again, she may not have children of her own in this life.
is a mother's desire on the one hand, and a career that has been fighting for many years on the other.
The bitterness and helplessness of women in the workplace are all between these two difficulties. Because in this dilemma, there are many things hidden behind.
On the one hand, motherhood is just the beginning of a role change. After the child is born, both husband and wife naturally need someone to take care of, educate the child, and take care of the family.
Once one of the men and women involved needs to give up their career, then in some people's minds, women will inevitably be the first choice.
is like Li Junxiao in the play. He is also a doctor. He hopes that his girlfriend Du Di will give up his rising career and get married and have children to take care of the family. When Du Di said he did not want this, Li Junxiao became annoyed and said:
"Okay, you Don't argue with me. The fact is that women, especially female doctors, cannot have both work and family. You can only choose one. You are the queen. Even if you are the queen, don't you have to have a son and try your best to succeed?"
This is a prejudice that exists in the hearts of some people.
On the other hand, after some women choose to return to the family, they have to face another problem-risk problem.
When women give up their careers and return to their families, they give up the initiative and the right to speak. Whether the equality of family status can be maintained depends entirely on the recognition of the husband's contribution to his wife.
This is why some people say that housewife is a "high-risk occupation".
has shown countless evidences about this in the popular TV dramas in recent years. For example, several cheated wives in "Battle of the Roses". For example, Jiang Jing, who was swept out of the house in " Our Marriage ". Another example is Luo Zijun who was accused of being useless in " My First Half of My Life " and so on.
The fact is, in a marriage relationship, whoever holds the economic power is equal to mastering the initiative and the right to speak in the family. And this is one of the reasons why some women are afraid to give up their careers easily.
Yuan Ya is well aware of this dilemma.
Because of this, she will work hard to exercise, hoping to give birth naturally, and then return to work as quickly as possible.
For Yuan Ya, she doesn't want to give up the initiative to obtain happiness, let alone become a woman waiting to be blessed by others.
choose
, I especially appreciate Yuan Ya's sentence in the play:
"Women are not born, they are shaped by the day after tomorrow."
This sentence was said by Yuan Ya to another expectant mother Chen Ping in the same ward (that is, the beginning of Mother-to-be A) in the conversation listened.
In Chen Ping's view, women have various identities and are given various appearances by the outside world, but there is no appearance of women themselves. As she said in the play:
"Once a woman is pregnant, her body is still her own. The wife is like a woman, the gestation container is like a woman, the mother is like a woman, the mother-in-law is like a woman, who I care about what a woman is like."
Therefore, Chen Ping has been silently accepting the life arranged by her mother-in-law.
My mother-in-law asked her to conceal her medical history of 2 miscarriages, so she did so; her mother-in-law refused to let her have a check-up on the child who had been born successfully but died prematurely; her mother-in-law said that this time it must be a caesarean section, so she gave it by caesarean section.
For her, this is what women should pay for the role they play, and submissiveness has been engraved in Chen Ping's genes.
But in fact, women should not only have one value.
Being a good mother is a woman's value and great. But this does not mean that it is wrong for women to choose another life, pursue their dreams, and realize their values by realizing their dreams.
even if the latter is seen by some as selfish and not great.
But for a life that can only live once, insisting on one's own choice has a value that cannot be ignored and should be respected.
is like the " mother of all babies " Lin Qiaozhi mentioned many times in the play.
She has no children all her life and dedicates all her passion and love to her career. He has become one of the main pioneers and founders of obstetrics and gynecology in China, filling a number of gaps in obstetrics and gynecology in China. In 2009, he was named one of the 100 people who have moved China since the founding of the People's Republic of China. In 2019, he was selected as the most beautiful struggler.
Although she has never been a mother, she has fulfilled thousands of mothers and children.
We can't say that she is not a mother to deprive or deny her value in life. Because, the value of any person is written and created by himself.
No one's destiny has been decided from the moment of birth. And everyone's fate, after all, comes down to personal choice.
No one has the right to accuse others of their choices, all we can do is respect or alert ourselves. As long as our choices follow our hearts, we are the winners in our own lives.
Remember: Don't be easily defined by others, and don't define others easily.
If you are in a dilemma
In fact, for women, most of the problems come from three aspects:
- The external environment I think the most difficult thing to solve is the female heart.
Some problems If there is a clear right and wrong criterion, it is not difficult to make a choice. But a lot of times, that's not the case. Maybe both are right, maybe want both.
is like Yuan Ya in the play. In addition to wanting to keep her career, she also longed to have a child of her own.
In this case, if you need to make a choice, it is bound to be difficult.
And if you don't want to give up, and you can't make a compromise, then the result in exchange is likely to be unacceptable to you. Yuan Ya in the
drama, in order to reduce her losses as much as possible, gave birth to this child and prepared for many years. Years of constant exercise, constantly delaying the time to have a baby, and even after being pregnant, she persisted in her 40-week pregnancy at work.
She just wants to "unload" faster, and then life will return to the past. To this end, she did not hesitate to inject oxytocin privately, resulting in an accident.
Fortunately, the ending wasn't perfect, but it wasn't too bad. Paid the price of removing uterus , in exchange for the safety of mother and child.
At the same time, Yuan Ya's husband, who never showed up, also appeared at the first time. Not only expressed his understanding and concern for Yuan Ya, but also expressed his willingness to give up his pursuit in order to support Yuan Ya's career:
"If you think that pursuing a career is your greatest happiness, I have also thought about it, and I am willing to take it at home. Children, even if they are soft fans."
In fact, women overlooked a problem in the dilemma. The reason why
was in a dilemma was because he put all the problems that should be faced by the two of them on his own. Therefore, it is inevitable that it will be difficult to choose.
Naturally, we should admit that under the influence of some existing prejudices, it is difficult for a woman to convince the other half to face some problems together.
But we have to admit, this is the best way to solve the dilemma.
Instead of focusing on the struggle of knowing what to do, we should focus on communication and coordination. We should have a certain degree of confidence in the choices we have made, because the two people were able to come together after careful choices.
He deserves your love, which means the communication may not end as bad as you think.
When you really try it, you may find that the prejudice is not only in one party, you are also under the influence of prejudice, and you think that some hope is slim. When we face up to prejudice and break down prejudice, all fear is just an assumption.
hopes that there is no such thing as not, and there is no such thing as to have. Try, work hard, do it, you can see it. Because, you also look at the world under a certain prejudice. Even if this prejudice is a prejudice caused by the existence of a certain prejudice, prejudice is always prejudice.
Qingxin Junyue, an emotional observer, Ta storyteller and film critic. Warm you with words, me.
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