"Dear Life": Two people with "original trauma" are destined to be unable to heal each other

" Dear Life " are two people with original trauma.

Du Di was born in a patriarchal family. The word "Di" in her name was originally "Di", because she did not want to be a mascot for "bringing a younger brother". When she was 18 years old, she changed her name. For this reason, her grandmother was so angry that she could not eat for several months.

Li Junxiao's family was poor, and his parents died very early. It was his sister who brought him up and his neighbors to raise money for him to study, so that he became a doctor. Compassion and kindness toward those in similar circumstances.

The two of them have been in love for five years, and finally broke up when Li Junxiao proposed to Du Di. Why did

break up?

In Li Junxiao's concept, women should get married and have children when they reach a certain age, because once they become an advanced mother, it will not only affect the health of the children, but also put more pressure on their own bodies. At this time, Du Di was already 29 years old, the age he thought should get married and have children.

However, Du Di is facing a critical period of competing for the general hospitalization. If she gets married and has children at this time, she will lose this opportunity without any suspense, but if she passes the assessment period and becomes the general hospitalization, at least It will be two years before she will be 31 years old, and she has already missed the best reproductive period.

Li Junxiao doesn't want Du Di to continue to compete. He feels that he is already the attending physician, and their family will not have too much financial burden in the future. Du Di can devote more energy to the family, not to mention, in his mind In China, as long as a woman gets married, it will inevitably affect her career, and Du Di does not need to be so strong.

Since childhood, Du Di, who hated sons over women, naturally couldn't accept Li Junxiao's idea. She did not agree to Li Junxiao's marriage proposal, and Li Junxiao became furious and began to target Du Di everywhere. The two ended up breaking up.

Obviously, the three views of Li Junxiao and Du Di are seriously different, I really don't understand how they fell in love for five years, but one thing is very clear, that is such two people, even if they get married, There will also be many conflicts, and it is difficult to harvest happiness. It can be said that breaking up is a kind of luck for both of them. Why is

lucky?

For Du Di, the most obsession in her life is not to be discriminated against because of her gender. But Li Junxiao felt that she was a woman, so she should focus on having children at an appropriate age, instead of being obsessed with career advancement.

Of course, as a obstetrician and gynecologist , Li Junxiao's words are not without basis. What he said about the disadvantages of elderly mothers does exist. However, he forgot that it is necessary to respect the wishes of women when giving birth to a child. If Du Di had the same idea as him and wanted to have a baby while he was young, then it would be no problem.

But the problem is, Du Di is not willing. Du Di wants to work hard in his career, wants to work hard like a man, and does not delay his career planning and his life pursuit because of marriage and childbirth, then as a lover, Li Junxiao should understand and respect Du Di's ideas. This is the relationship between lovers or couples. correct relationship.

Regrettably, Li Junxiao has no such awareness. He felt that what he thought was right, Du Di should do what he thought, marry him, have children, and make concessions and sacrifices for their family. When Du Di couldn't do this, he immediately turned his face, thinking that Du Di was unwilling to marry him because he thought he was poor.

Why did he think of "poor"? Because his original trauma was mainly caused by "poverty", which has become a mark engraved in his subconscious, and he will instinctively blame those who are not as good as he wished and things.

What do you think, if such two people really live together, what will happen? Du Di will often think that Li Junxiao is macho, trying to control her life because she is a woman, and Li Junxiao will often think that Du Di looks down on him because he does not have material wealth or success like other men.

They will hurt each other in such mutual misunderstanding and hostility, and end up exhausted and scarred. So, breaking up now is theirsA kind of luck. Not only does this allow them to avoid those injuries later on, it also gives them the opportunity to find the happiness that works for them.

Two people who cannot heal each other.

We often have such a misunderstanding that two unfortunate people from the original family can comfort each other and heal each other together. In fact this is impossible. Why does

say that? You think, if a person has original trauma, it means that he is destined to be missing in some way. People are profit-seeking, we will instinctively choose those things that are beneficial to us, and we will also instinctively ask for those things that we lack.

So we often say that people whose original family lacks love will be barren at heart. In the same way, people with primary trauma cannot give others a healthy amount of love. He will be barren in at least one way, in a state of demand.

is like Du Di, she is determined to be her own "emperor", so she can't sacrifice herself because of others' grievances. As for Li Junxiao, he has been cared for by his sister since he was a child and helped by everyone. He also strives to make himself excellent, so he is sensitive and inferior, but also narcissistic and arrogant. Two people like

are destined to be unable to heal each other. Maybe you will say that it is because they have three conflicting views. If the trauma caused by their original family is not like this, for example, both of them are poor families, can they heal each other?

The answer is still no, because then both of them will feel inferior and sensitive, and there will still be many misunderstandings and contradictions. The logic of

makes sense in any kind of primary trauma. Even if it is two extremely similar people, they understand each other very well, at best they can only warm each other, and they cannot be completely cured. Even if you are not careful, you will hug and fall into the abyss together.

Those who have been healed in love and marriage, either you have grown up yourself, or the other person is a person with a very healthy personality and no original trauma, and only such a person has enough energy to heal others.

Why do I say this?

just wants to tell you that if you are a person with original trauma, don't expect to find someone with the same trauma as you to heal you, that will likely cause you to hurt each other even more.

How should you choose? It is best to choose a person whose native family is very happy and whose heart is rich and warm enough to fall in love with. Of course, no matter whether you can meet such a person or not, you must make yourself stronger, and you must believe that the most likely person in this world to heal you is actually yourself.

About the author: meets Acacia, a woman who likes to read and write. She focuses on the creation of articles in the emotional direction of film and television and the analysis and answer of questions in the emotional field. I hope my words can accompany you warmly.