No one can bear it for you, and no one can take you to be strong. Everyone is a lonely walker, slowly becoming strong in the process of walking.
——inscription
To talk about the hottest Korean dramas recently, "Postpartum Treatment Institute" starring by Korean actress Yan Zhiyuan must not be too much, and it is on the list.
is the TVN new moon fire drama broadcasted as the successor to "Youth Records". This short drama with only 8 episodes was aired from the beginning because of the light and pleasant comedy showing the process of women's pregnancy, childbirth and parenting. All kinds of hardships and confusions and other practical problems have caused a huge response among the female audience. Although
tried to dilute the sufferings of women in the process of childbirth with a comedy model, the many scenes shown in the play are still real and sad.
makes every woman who has experienced or is about to experience childbirth amazed by the insight of the screenwriters of the play, and feels that they have found the psychological roots of some of the problems that plague them; sometimes they empathize with the fate of the women in the play, and it is difficult to restrain themselves. The earth burst into tears; more of it is a deep reflection: What does
give birth to a woman? If giving birth is like a war, then who is our opponent? And in this process, who can really help women break the siege?
Workplace pressure: the place where I can’t go back again
"Why am I going to die?"
At the beginning of the
drama, a 42-year-old woman, Wu Xianzhen, and Death are sitting on a small wooden boat to cross the Wangchuan River.
fainted due to high-age birth, Wu Xianzhen went to the ghost gate and closed.
Along the way, in her thoughts, we saw the first half of the youngest female executive in the GJ Group who worked hard and was quite sad-the day when
was exceptionally promoted to the company's youngest female executive , She learned the news that she was 6 weeks pregnant, even though she was eagerly looking forward to the arrival of the child, but her heart was still too surprised . It is not easy for
to go this way because of her:
, in 2002 when she just joined, in order to survive the fierce competition and to save her family from bankruptcy due to investment failure, she ordered herself to live as a highway Working machine:
works hard while working hard to improve herself, even the excitement of the World Cup is known from others;
she puts down all her self-esteem and loftyness, and slaps her head on her boss;
those others refuse to do it Dirty work, tired work, she never refused.
Even for promotion, she was isolated, ridiculed or even insulted by others. She didn't care at all. She worked hard, and never stopped even during pregnancy, because she knew:
"Everyone said let me rest, but what about the general affairs? Can I take a break? To put it better, it is a cadre. To put it bluntly, it is not a two-year contract worker who may lose his head at any time."
She knows the cruelty and ruthlessness of the workplace better than anyone.
The day when women enter the workforce under such pressure, it follows the same day, and increases exponentially with pregnancy and childbirth:
A while ago, a Shanghai company asked female employees who just took maternity leave to complete a sales experience every day. The company
is very "compassionate" and said, considering the poor eyesight during breastfeeding, " will arrange for you to write in order to protect you."
However, 600 words per hour, typos, repeated sentences, late or omissions, and fines ranging from 50 to 500 yuan.
Finally, the mother reluctantly chose to leave .
Maybe many years of fighting in the workplace, so Wu Xianzhen has already knownIn vain of the cruelty, she forced herself to live like a tireless "perpetual motion machine":
Even though she was eight months pregnant, she still kept her stomach up and worked overtime to revise the plan, although when she went home, she was too tired to stand. She didn’t give up easily; even on the day of delivery,
still wore “flaming red lips”, dressed in professional attire, and chased customers to sign contracts. Although her back pain was too big, she couldn’t sleep well every night, even Often sitting alone until dawn...
She never talks about these sufferings, because no one will sympathize even if she does, because she is a working woman and an employee, although she is also a mother .
But the birth of a child will not come later because of your strong will. After
gave birth, Wu Xianzhen was admitted to the postnatal care hospital, and she had to rest.
However, during the "confinement" period, the sense of crisis in the workplace has already begun to sweep over. When discussing work with her, the leader of
laughed at her unceremoniously because she inadvertently said a wrong word;
Under the leadership of the new leader, the colleagues who were born and died with her once put her past efforts behind...
, but Wu Xianzhen, who is not reconciled, wants to prove that even after giving birth, she is still who she used to be. The company still needs her.
So, she carefully prepared to attend the company's regular meeting, but found that the "routine" meeting was still important, but whether she attended it was already irrelevant.
She sat awkwardly in the company and looked at her busy colleagues. What she confirmed was:
"A world that can still run smoothly even if I disappear, the world I live in..."
Obviously this world, she has already It's hard to go back.
This is not the embarrassment of Wu Xianzhen alone.
Yao Chen's speech in the starry sky has resonated with countless middle-aged women.
This "Guo Furong," who is fearless and fearless in our memory, stood alone in the middle of the stage and counted the "dilemma" in the workplace after two pregnancies during the rising period of his career:
"I gave birth to two children and missed it. Many good directors have good projects, and when I return to the workplace, my career is already in a very awkward position."
When she is middle-aged, she is no longer the best choice in the eyes of investors, and she misses her heart time and time again. The blow of the role.
Behind the light and shadow, even though he still has a nice face and gorgeous clothes, the fatigue and anxiety of this middle-aged mother-like "Guo Furong" in the workplace cannot be avoided.
Body pressure: humiliation is not just the moment of production
If being abandoned by the workplace is only a problem that women in the workplace can face, then production is a serious and extremely cruel test that every woman has to face again.
bears the brunt of the ubiquitous and powerful sense of humiliation-
"In the Encyclopedia of Pregnancy and Childbirth, the childbirth process is divided into 4 stages. The third stage of labor, and the fourth stage of labor restored by my mother, but the real first stage of labor that I experienced was the humiliation stage."
opened his legs in front of many doctors, was enema, shaved, various checks, even like Like an animal, he was medically observed by a group of interns. Although
knows that this is the normal work of medical staff, , but this process, for a novice mother, is accompanied by a strong sense of isolation and humiliation. The same scene of
is also mentioned in the classic feminist novel "Wake Up Women":
"The attitude of the nurse is cold and the movements are not gentle... They gave her a hospital gown and asked her to go to a room like Put it in the locker room of the gym... They lay on a table and shaved herMao, the water is warm, but when it was sprayed on her body, it quickly became cold, and she began to tremble... A woman screamed, and a nurse turned her head and yelled: Don't be like a child! You thought you were going to die! "
In the process of production, women's autonomy is constantly being deprived.
"Painless needle!" Painless needle! "
Wu Xianzhen got her own "painless needle" under the almost desperate or even maddening request.
She was lucky, but many women did not have such "good luck" when lying on the delivery bed.
It is generally believed that the use of anesthetic needles during the delivery process will cause poor mental development of the child (it has been proved to be wrong), and is required to insist on natural delivery.
August 31, 2017, a pregnant woman expecting to give birth in Yulin, Shaanxi I fell down and died because I couldn’t bear the labor pains during labor!
During the long and difficult delivery process, the head of the fetus was too large. For the safety of the mother and the child, the medical staff and the family explained the necessity of a caesarean section, but The family turned on deaf ears and insisted on the delivery of the mother. The moment
fell from a high building, we could not imagine how cold and painful that woman's heart should be!
Childbirth has never been an easy task, so that women have more dignity. , Less painful production shouldn’t just stay in people’s concepts, but something that must be implemented, right?
. After the production process that is almost painful to death, greater physical humiliation is still behind— —
looks like a beautiful and beautiful mother, but because she has coughed all her life, she wets her pants. She can only be watched and pointed in full view.
Females undergo irrepressible changes in their bodies after giving birth, except for gaining weight. , Hair loss, low back pain, and urine leakage is also an unspeakable embarrassment .
A while ago, when Tang Wei and Lei Jiayin were promoting the new drama, Lei Jiayin’s "joking" was made public about the hidden illness of the goddess Tang Wei after giving birth.
When shooting a crying scene, Tang Wei always wanted to go to the bathroom, which made me always get out of the scene. "
seemed like a joke, but Tang Wei lost control of his emotions on the spot, and was so sad that he shed tears.
It turns out that Tang Wei's frequent urination was because of the problem of bladder prolapse after giving birth to his daughter three years ago, and frequent urination and leakage of urine. The problem of
is the same for the female star of economic freedom, let alone the ordinary us? The pain and humiliation of
, which are not hard to say, have been accompanied by women day and night after giving birth, in countless embarrassing moments. Chewing repeatedly and swallowing alone.
Cognitive pressure: You can become a good mother without giving birth
Two days ago, the interaction between GAI and his wife was on the hot search because the wife Wang Siran, who had just finished giving birth, refused to give it many times. The child is feeding.
"Everyone is watching me breastfeeding, I am like an animal in a zoo..."
As a woman, when you become a mother, everyone tells you to focus on the health of the child in everything, just like you are. Your dignity is injured, and your psychological imbalance has become trivial, or even not worth mentioning.
It seems that every woman who becomes a mother should exude the brilliance of motherhood, and they should quickly learn to take care of their children in accordance with their "natural nature". Become an absolutely qualified mother.
If you are not like this, then you are a madman, a weirdo.
But, is it really like this?
Wu Xianzhen shows us that even if we have given birth to a child, it is still an extremely long and arduous journey to become a mother.
bear the brunt of the ambiguity of identity.
On the first day after entering the postpartum care center, when other mothers asked for their names, Wu Xianzhen said her name familiarly, but was kindly "reminded" by other mothers that the child's name was not her own.
"Here, what is my name, how old I am, no one is curious, just curious about the child's fetal name, whether it is a son or a daughter, what birth is it, how it was born, what birth is it..."
It was a big impact on Wu Xianzhen’s values. According to secular standards, when a woman becomes a mother, she should have no ego, and everything revolves around her own children, as if this is the best destination and glory for a woman. , Women must sacrifice everything for their children, including their own names.
However, even as a mother, no matter how natural it is, don’t we all be thinking and feeling people first? Is this right of
rightfully deprived just because of becoming a mother?
Is this fair?
And the identification of identity value is only one aspect, the problem of raising children is far more than that.
In Wu Xianzhen's imagination, the "simple" thing of breastfeeding should be the radiance of maternity and the sweet fragrance of the child, and he looked at the child tenderly.
But in fact, she was not only touched by the nurse in public, and judged her breasts, even when the child desperately sucked herself, she couldn't help but scream out, and the most disturbing thing was the attitude of the people around her, the nurse. He directly accused her:
"He called because his mother didn't feed her."
This frustrated Wu Xianzhen, who was always proud and successful.
But, she really just hurts, right? Doesn't it mean that you don't even have the right to shout when you become a mother?
In fact, there really is no.
I have really experienced all this myself. When I was breastfeeding for the first time, the wound was still swollen due to a side cut. Even when I was sitting on a stool, I could only tilt one side of my butt, and when I was breastfeeding my baby, the breast was forced by the baby. The pain of biting and chapped makes me suffer every time, and the husband of who said to me before the delivery room: "You are so great", facing my tears, he said, "Why do you cry? Look at other things. Mom didn't cry, just you cried, you are too squeamish..."
Even after many years, the incomprehensible grievance and pain is still a scar between me and my husband.
I also understood from that time, it turned out that my mother had to be silent even when she yelled pain.
Dazai said in "Disqualification in the World": living in this world is not easy, all kinds of shackles are everywhere binding you, and if you move it, you will bleed.
Therefore, we see more and more middle-aged mothers who are "emotionally out of control" on the Internet, and sees a group of mothers who "collapse and cry" because of a trivial matter, but few people care about it. Negative emotions, it is how many years of unspeakable grievances that have turned a once gentle woman into a grumpy middle-aged woman!
Perhaps this is the real reason why this "Postpartum Care Center" has attracted people's attention -
For women, childbirth is never a "natural" thing. In this process, women's physiology and Psychology is facing a huge test, and this test is a "horrible and chaotic" battle for any woman.
and in this war, for most womenIn terms of , whether you are a husband or a parent, you can only watch the fire from the sidelines. More often, we have to live on our own. Therefore, we can cry and be disappointed, but please don’t give up and don’t place hope on others. Only by being stronger, more independent, and constantly learning and adjusting, can you help yourself out of this predicament !
And I sincerely hope that the "dad" who can read this article, suppose that is from the perspective of his wife to consider more and tolerate more for them. I hope that your love will make you feel better. Women in the "war" are more warm and less tears !
Finally, I hope that every woman will not fight alone in these turbulent days!
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