was once known as the most popular pillow book for women's inspirational growth. It was also popular in China in the 1930s and influenced a large number of intellectual women after the May Fourth Movement. It has been featured on the silver screen many times over the past 100 years and has been rated as one of the best-selling works in the world by the National Library of America.
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一Writing background, character introduction
"Little Women" describes the growth story of the four sisters of the March family in an ordinary American family during the American Civil War. The only man in the family, Mr. March, went to the battlefield as an army chaplain, leaving Mrs. March with her four adolescent daughters.
① The boss, Meg, 16 years old, looks beautiful and has a gentle personality. once wanted to marry a rich man, and finally, under the influence of his mother, married John who was not rich but caring.
94 version of the movie "Little Women" stills (Meg)
② The second child, Joe (the author’s incarnation) is 15 years old, is dark and thin, with a hot personality, and often does strange things , but she has a kind heart. He is willing to help others, determined to be a writer, and has been fighting for it.
94 version of the movie "Little Women" stills (Joe)
③ The third child, Beth, 13 years old, is shy and shy, in poor health, loves piano . But she is the most benevolent girl in the family. She has pity for the poor and small animals, and she often takes the initiative to help her sisters share housework.
94 version of the movie "Little Women" stills (Beth)
④ The fourth child, Amy, is 12 years old, the most beautiful, most favored, and most ladylike one in the family. likes to paint, pursues excellence, has a proud personality, and loves vanity. He wanted to enter the upper class, but in the end, he chose to marry his neighbor Laurie. The
94 version of the movie "Little Women" stills (Amy)
The story revolves around four sisters with different personalities. The author's philosophical thinking is inserted into the ordinary trivia, which is deeply enlightening.
When I was a little girl, I was lucky enough to read this book. At that time, I only thought that Joe was so cool. I admired Joe's self-discipline, self-improvement, humor and courage. Joe, who wanted to be a writer, finally became a writer. He was happy and happy for her.
After a lapse of years, when my youth fades, I am already a mother. I revisit "Little Women" again. I deeply admire Mrs. March, the mother of the four sisters in the book. She taught four strong, independent, self-respecting and self-loving outstanding children in a good manner and quietly. I was shocked by Mrs. March's "magic" educational concept. What kind of magical educational concept is
?
I sum it up and call it the "Three Nos" educational philosophy.
① Don’t beat and scold - don’t rely on authority to violently uniform
② Don’t control – don’t use the spirit to suppress the child
③ Don’t preach – don’t forcefully instill the concept
Mrs. March’s "three nos" educational philosophy
1 don’t beat and scold us often z1 I saw a scene like this:
a child was beaten or scolded by a parent who hates iron and steel for not doing his homework seriously.
A certain child was beaten or insulted by a hot-tempered parent because he overturned a bowl.
Think about it carefully, the reason why these parents beat and scold their children is mostly because of problems with their own emotional control. I remember a psychologist said: beating and scolding is an extreme emotional response when parents are unable to control the current predicament and are powerless.
Innocent children have become parents' "garbage harvesters". Inject all the garbage emotions that parents can't digest themselves into the child's abdomen. Over time, the damage to the child is enormous.
In "Little Women", there was a time when the second daughter Joe deliberately didn't take his sister Amy to the opera, which made the arrogant Amy grudge. In order to retaliate against Joe, Amy decided to give Joe a little color.It was Amy who secretly took out the manuscript of a novel that Joe had written for many years and threw it all into the fireplace.
waited for Joe to come back and found that the manuscript he had written for many years was about to be finished was missing. When he found that Joe had something wrong, he hurried to question his sister Amy. At first, Joe thought that Amy was just hiding the manuscript in a prank.
Finally, Amy said in a rage that she had thrown the manuscript into the fireplace and burned.
"What! My most precious little book! I write and write desperately, the one I want to finish before Dad comes back? You really burned it?" Joe's face was pale and his eyes almost burst into flames. His hands gripped Amy tightly.
"Yeah, I burned it! Who told you to be so fierce yesterday, I said I would make you regret it, so..."
Joe was almost mad, like an angry she-wolf, and gave Amy directly Remember the loud slap.
Seeing this scene, it is estimated that all mothers will be furious, and will clean up the two children indiscriminately.
Mrs. March was not angry. After she understood the whole story, she did not beat Amy, but ran to Joe's room and gave Joe a goodnight kiss, and said to Joe in a gentle and low voice: " Dear, don’t be angry until sunset. Mutual understanding, mutual support, tomorrow is a new day."
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When Amy saw Joe in the arms of her mother, she realized that she was desperate for life. At my fault, Amy stood by the door and plucked up courage and said timidly:
"Please forgive me, Joe, I'm really very sorry."
Mrs. March did not use the authority of the elderly to oppress Ai Mi confessed to Qiao, but through her actions, she made Amy realize her mistake from the bottom of her heart and took the initiative to apologize to Qiao. This is what Mrs. March is brilliant.
We know that every child will inevitably make mistakes as they grow up. Most parents can't bear a simple and brutal beating, " hits until you admit your mistake" and "Beats until you dare not repeat it."
But this simple and rude way only temporarily suppressed the child. The child is holding his breath in his heart, and he is not convinced. This situation is very dangerous. It is equivalent to planting a bomb in the child's young mind and it will explode for you someday.
Mrs. March's approach is worth learning from . After the child made a mistake, should let her realize that she was wrong. It is best to let her see that her wrong behavior has caused serious harm to the victim.
Mrs. March let Amy see what Joe looked desperate for. At this moment, Amy felt the huge blow to Joe caused by the destruction of the manuscript, and said "sorry" from the bottom of my heart. Not being forced to apologize, but sincerely regretting it.
2 Don't control
One day, Amy will have a treat and invite her group of noble friends to the house for dinner.
Amy insists on spending money to buy the most tasteful ingredients for entertaining in order not to let those noble ladies look down upon herself.
Mrs. March suggested in a low voice that Amy could be served with country-specific ingredients, because those rich ladies are used to the delicacies of mountains and seas from snacks, and might want to eat something special.
But Amy insisted on using the most expensive ingredients, calling this her face.
Seeing that Amy insisted on her own opinion, Mrs. March no longer forced her, but asked a few sisters to help Amy prepare the ingredients. The whole family was busy for Amy's banquet for several days.
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In the end, only one noble lady came, and the whole family was forced to eat leftovers for several days. But Mrs. March did not blame Amy, because she knew that Amy had realized her recklessness and vanity, and Amy had indeed restrained a lot since then.
Sometimes, it is better to let the child try and make mistakes than to blindly suppress it. But most parents like to control their children, and always hope that their children will be under their control.
can't help but think of the American writer Hemingway who became famous because of "The Old Man and the Sea". Hemingway killed himself, but few people know that Hemingway's death was inseparable from his mother.
Hemingway's mother, Grace, was a lazy and stinky woman who never did housework, but always forced Hemingway to strictly abide by the rules set by her mother.
HammingIn order to resist the strong control of his mother, Wei insisted not to eat vegetables for ten days. For this reason, he was beaten and suffered from constipation. The suppression of Hemingway caused by the strong personality of
's mother has kept Hemingway in a weak position. This low self-esteem and dislike for the strong from his mother made him extremely hate any woman who tried to interfere with him as an adult. This is also the reason why he chose to divorce four times. Hemingway was unable to establish a normal close relationship with others, so finally chose to commit suicide and end his life.
What a sad thing this is. It can be seen how important the mother is in the formation of the child's character. A follow-up study by psychologist Carrie found that:
children under the care of mothers with mental health problems showed more externalization and internalization problems (mainly anxiety) than other children.
If the mother often shows some specific emotions and behaviors, such as restlessness, emotional tension, irritability, etc. These emotions and behaviors may affect the parenting concepts and behaviors of the mother, destroy the benign interaction between the mother and the child, and cause the child's anxiety.
As a mother, in addition to physical health, there must be another quality-that is, a good mental outlook. Mrs. March did a very good job at this point. She never yelled at the children. Every time the children went out, they would see their mother smiling and waving goodbye to them. Joe said that seeing the mother’s smile can make She felt extremely peaceful.
3 Not preaching
Almost every child makes mistakes, and almost all parents like to preach. The catch phrase that Chinese parents often use is "I am doing it for you. Why are you so disobedient? What should you do? How about it, then let's do a lot of preaching."
Normally, children will nod their heads to deal with it, but after that, they still go their own way and ignore the preaching of their parents.
① Self-explanation
When Mrs. March heard the children complain that she envied the life of the rich, (you can just eat and not work). In order to correct the children's bad values of money worship.
Mrs. March is determined to conduct a hands-on experiment on the children. She gave the children a one-week vacation, during which the children can play as they please without having to work. At the beginning of
, the children were madly happy and began to let themselves go, but in the next few days, the children were obviously bored, because the joy of eating, drinking and playing is always so short. Seeing their mothers working so hard every day, they can still smile. In life, children feel that only a down-to-earth life can make people grow happy.
Yes, I want to let you know that only when everyone performs their duties, everyone can live a comfortable life...
Don’t you think that if you help each other and do your daily work well, you will be happier in your free time and learn With restraint and patience, will this home be comfortable and warm?
Mrs. March did not use preaching to correct the values of the children, but started with life and let the children feel for themselves. This is much better than pure preaching.
② Taking responsibility by example
Mrs. March is also good at using her behavior to influence children.
There is a poor woman not far from Ma Qi's house. She has just given birth to a baby. Six children are squeezed in a bed. There is no fire in the house and no food. The oldest boy ran to tell Mrs. March that they were cold and hungry.
Mrs. March immediately gave food at home to the poor woman's family, and she also recruited friends to help the poor woman many times. When the children saw the mother’s good deeds, they offered their own breakfast and went to visit the poor woman and her children in person.
Sometimes, parents teach 10,000 sentences, which is really not as meaningful as Mrs. March’s personal demonstration . The child's nature is good at imitating, and does not like to listen to that boring preaching.
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③ equal treatment
Some parents always like to talk to their children in a condescending tone. Parents always put on a look of authority, not allowing others to challenge.
Mrs. March likes to put herself and her childrenIn the same position, she allows her children to speak freely in front of her.
Once, Joe approached his mother in a very painful manner and told her about her distress.
Joe said: "Mom, I think my temper is too bad." Mrs.
replied, "You think your temper is the worst in the world? I was exactly like you back then."
"My bad temper, mom? But You are never angry!" Joe was taken aback and temporarily forgot to blame himself.
"In order to get rid of the bad temper, I worked hard for forty years before I was able to control it. Joe, I have been angry almost every day in my life, but I have learned not to show it. I still hope I can learn not to be angry. But that will probably take another forty years."
Mother's face was full of perseverance and humility. For Joe, it worked better than the wisest teachings or the harshest scolding.
Mrs. March always enlightened her children in such a moisturizing and silent manner, never putting on an authority and pointing fingers at them.
In the book "The Revolution of Learning" by Janet Voss, an American doctor of education, there is a classic saying: " If a child lives in criticism, he learns to condemn. If a child lives in In fear, he learns to worry. If a child lives in acceptance, he learns to love. If a child lives in recognition, he learns to love himself..."
Conclusion
"Little Women "The reason why it can be called a classic is probably because in each era, everyone can read some different life perceptions from it. Reading it when you were young, you will be attracted by the youthful love in the book; when you read it in middle age, you will be moved by the warm mother-daughter love that Mrs. March gave to the four girls!
Mrs. March's gentle and intelligent "three nos" educational philosophy, even today, more than a hundred years later, is still worthy of parents to learn from.
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Gibran wrote in his "Prophet":
your children are not your children. They are the children of life's desire for itself.
They were born through you, but not from you. Although they are by your side, they do not belong to you.
You can give them your love, not your thoughts, because they have their own thoughts.
Gibran’s view is incisive and profound. He explained the truth about the parent-child relationship in family education. The child is also an independent individual. Although he is the continuation of his parents' lives, he also has his own personality, thoughts, soul and life .
does not regard the child as your accessory, but respects the child as an individual with an independent soul. Because children not only need freedom, respect, dreams, but also understanding and love.
"Do not beat or scold", "Do not control", "Do not preach." Use care instead of whip; use understanding instead of control; use action instead of preaching. In this way, Fang is the highest state of being a parent.
Author: midnight, deep human character text field. Male thinking, female perspective, interpretation of the story behind the characters.
I also wrote "A generation of famous actors Meng Xiaodong, Mei Lanfang hurt me the most, Du Yuesheng loves me the most", "Asexual and no love" Lu Xun's original partner Zhu An's death sentence made Lu Xun ashamed.
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