recently topped the hit list with "In the Name of Family". This TV series depicts three people who are not related by blood. By chance, they become brothers and sisters living together. The injuries Ling Xiao and He Ziqiu suffered in their native family were wounds that would not heal when they grew up. The injury of the original family is like a knife, which will always be inserted in the heart of the child and will never be able to be pulled out.
1. The terrible "Mom, I don't want you anymore"
In the story, Ling Xiao was abandoned by his mother Chen Ting when his parents divorced. What impressed me in particular was that when she left, Li Jianjian asked her: ", don't you want Brother Ling Xiao? Give it to me! " Chen Ting paused and said, ", give you Come on! " She didn't know how much damage she had caused Ling Xiao just like she said casually.
Until he grows up, he sometimes dreams of nightmares, afraid of being abandoned by others. This sentence affected him all his life. When he grows up, although he is excellent, he has a sense of inferiority in his bones. Maybe his mother didn't say that he didn't want him when she left him. He would be better and would not get depression when he grew up.
So please mother not to say "Mom doesn't want you anymore", and don't keep talking about "Mom doesn't want you anymore". Moms, maybe you didn't take this sentence in your heart, but this sentence is deeply carved into the hearts of the children and becomes a hurdle in their lives. The same is true for He Ziqiu in the story of
. He was abandoned by his mother since he was a child, and when he grew up, he was abandoned by his biological father who knew him. He was very pitiful. He once said to Li Jianjian: " my mother didn't want me when I was young, and my father didn't want me anymore. I don't know what I did wrong, no one wants me." . This sentence is really heartbreaking.
He Ziqiu's father said he didn't want him, in fact, to make He Ziqiu afraid, he went to beg him again, but in the end he let He Ziqiu get further and further away from him. Do you want your children to be farther and farther away from you? The answer is yes, no, which parents do not want their children to be closer to themselves, so we must avoid saying hurtful things.
2. "Mom, don't want you anymore" in life
Once, I heard a conversation between a mother and a daughter in a mall. The little girl especially wanted to buy a doll, but her mother felt that there were already many dolls in the family, so she didn't buy it for her. The little girl was lying on the ground and rolling. At the beginning, her mother patiently coaxed her. After a long time, the little girl still didn't listen, and still lay on the ground.
Her mother was so angry that she said, "If this happens, mother won't want you anymore." After that, she walked away. The little girl cried so loudly when she heard it, her mother walked, and she chased after her.
This situation can be imagined, how helpless the little girl is. In the future, she may become timid and cautious, and the child may become a pleased child. Is this what we parents want to see? So moms, please stop saying "mother" without you. The storm is not terrible, the terrible thing is "Mom doesn't want you anymore".
3. The reason why mothers say "Mom doesn't want you anymore"
An online survey shows that 70% of parents in China will say such things. This data is so huge that it is really sad! Some mothers may not Culture, so saying "Mom doesn't want you anymore" is just to let the children be "behaved".
But the child is only a temporary "good", next time, the child will still make the same mistake. But this type of mother does not know that her words have already caused harm to the child. The other part of mothers actually knows that "Mom doesn't want you anymore" and can't say it, but if they get angry, they just say it.
When the mother's brain is opened, she can say anything. Such mothers will regret it after saying this, and try to make up for the child. But next time the child makes a mistake again, this kind of mother will still say this. The result is still such a vicious circle.
4. How to avoid saying "Mom doesn't want you anymore"?
a. Change the way of speaking
Actually, "Mom doesn't want you anymore" is not necessary, such as the mother Chen Ting in "In the name of family", although She left this home because of a divorce, she couldTell Ling Xiao with a white lie, "Mom loves you, and I will come to see you often in the future." This is better than saying "Mom doesn't want you anymore".
b. Tell the child something else to divert the child’s attention to avoid saying "Mom doesn’t want you anymore." The little girl above
, her mother can say to her, "Baby, we already have a lot of dolls in our house, can you Leave this doll to the little girl who does not have any dolls at home?" Or say, "You already have so many dolls. If you buy this doll back, the other dolls will be unhappy. We go home and ask them, do not agree to give it to you? They find a new partner, okay?" Anyway, they tried to say other things to coax her, and she didn't want to buy it after a while. It's better than "Mom doesn't want you anymore".
c. Allow children to make mistakes and let them taste the natural consequences
When children make mistakes, we should learn to tolerate them and allow them to make mistakes. It is also a good thing to make a few small mistakes to make them remember. For example, if children don't do homework, mothers can remind them appropriately first. If the child doesn't listen, don't be angry, don't be angry.
The children were playing, it was late, and they realized that they hadn't written the homework, so don't let them do it. Ask them to find the teacher the next day to explain why the homework was not written. Once this happens once or twice, they will have a long memory.
d. Mom gave herself an "active suspension corner"
set up an exclusive place for herself, just like the "magic forest" of the Little Maruko family on the first scene, this place is an active suspension corner, you can also build it with your child An active suspension corner dedicated to children.
When the mother is unable to communicate with the child and is very angry, go to your own "active pause corner" and pause for a while. Press the pause button. After you come back, you will feel a lot better. Communication with the child will naturally be smoother. I want to say "Mom doesn't want you anymore". Your parent-child relationship will also become better. Many conflicts can be avoided only by observing carefully.
Moms, when you are very angry, please find ways to restrain your anger, please don't say such things as "Mom doesn't want you anymore". If you can't restrain yourself, please find an independent space and wait for you to calm down before getting along with your children, so that you won't say hurtful things.
Language violence is terrible, the most terrifying thing is "Mom doesn't want you anymore". In the hearts of children, mothers are always the best, no matter what you do to them, they will forgive you. Just your words will leave a mark in their hearts, and they will never get rid of it. The pictures of
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