Chinese traditional society has advocated an unhealthy mother-child ethics from the root of culture. This kind of feeling includes both the exaggerated and deformed "filial piety", as well as the overwhelmingly pressured "childhood to be a dragon"-because the older generation cannot control their own lives, they require control of their children's lives; and you are in "filial piety". "Below, there is no resistance.
(Real case: mother-in-law hired 50,000 yuan to kill daughter-in-law)
In the past few days, a murder case occurred in Cixi, Ningbo, which has attracted the attention of many people. A young female nurse, Zhao Mou, was killed downstairs in her home. The child of the deceased is only 5 years old this year, and his family has just returned from a trip in Nanjing during the Spring Festival. The local police notified the homicide and the case was quickly solved: According to preliminary information, two suspects had been arrested. And one of them was the murderer, the deceased's mother-in-law. With the addition of various details, we can see the general context of the matter: in fact, this son has been married once before and ran away. This is the second marriage. Before marriage, the mother-in-law was dissatisfied with this daughter-in-law. After the marriage, the son and mother lived separately. The mother-in-law sold the house and moved to live with her son. The mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have been at odds. Later, the son and daughter-in-law bought another house and moved out to live; at the beginning of the year, the murderer's malice finally broke out after seeing the two couples traveling to show their affection. When the police took the family away for investigation, the mother-in-law admitted that she had spent 50,000 yuan to hire a murderer. The
case has been handed over to the police. I hope that the murderer will be severely punished to comfort the spirit of the dead.
In this case, the son is probably innocent. He has a good relationship with his current wife. He rebelled against his mother and worked hard to break away from his mother's influence and move out his small family. Not long ago, he wrote in the circle of friends: Wife, I will always love you! Unfortunately, still no match for the mother's frenzy.
(The TV series "double-sided tape" reflects the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.)
Discord between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is an old and common topic, but it is rare to develop to murder; this vicious case should be said to have no universal significance . But we see a psychologically distorted mother and a son who is stepping back, and a wife who is really victimized in the middle. This is a common condition in many families.
It is understood that in this case, from the time the son was young, the mother-in-law did not even allow her husband to approach the son, and became angry when the father and son were affectionate; and the appearance of the daughter-in-law was a "third party" to her, offending Her forbidding. Over the years, I have seen some cases of mother-in-law (parent-in-law) killing daughter-in-law. Although the circumstances of each case are different, the key core lies in the mother (father) trying to control the son. In
sayings, there is often "married a daughter-in-law and forget her mother", and there is no lack of reproach to "forgot mother" in her tone; daughter-in-law often asks such questions as "I and your mother fell into the water, who will you save?" It expresses a rivalry with her mother-in-law. This kind of jealousy between mother and wife is common to everyone. Isn't this abnormal? This can only show that traditional Chinese society has advocated an unhealthy mother-child ethics from the root of culture. This kind of feeling includes both the exaggerated and deformed "filial piety", as well as the overwhelmingly pressured "childhood to be a dragon"-because the older generation cannot control their own lives, they require control of their children's lives; and you are in "filial piety". "Below, there is no resistance.
(The picture comes from the Internet.)
(TV drama "Spicy Mother and Daughter-in-law" stills)
(TV series "Women-In-Law Battle" stills)
Actually, what is the most important thing in family relationships? Husband and wife relationship. The relationship between husband and wife takes precedence over the relationship between children; children leave their parents’ homes and live independently after the parents have taken up the task of raising upbringing after the age of 18 or 20; even if they still live under one roof, the children should have their own jobs , Friends, in the future, will have their own family and their own lives, and have independent personalities; while the relationship between husband and wife is to accompany and live in close relationship for forty to fifty years or even longer. Isn't it clear which is light and which is heavy?
But I am afraid that even this common sense has not reached a consensus in Chinese society.
In ancient Chinese society, the squire emphasized family interests and ethics, and the lives of ordinary people were too limited and there were no more choices. Marriage was mostly determined by their parents, so there is no need to talk about it.feeling. Men can still have three wives and four concubines or other forms of emotional supplementation, but it is difficult for women to have this opportunity. However, she is not without compensation, that is, more control over the children, commonly known as "filial piety"; once a daughter-in-law becomes a mother-in-law and has a daughter-in-law who is a generation lower than her, she can be partly satisfied in this arrogance Then, the excess libido has been vented.
has turned over these old and rotten sesame accounts, and contemporary Chinese marriage relations have not been substantially improved. Thirty or forty years ago, Chinese people had a rough life and their marriages were fettered by all kinds of shackles. Many people find it difficult to find a congenial spouse. The most common marriage attitude of this generation is to "make do with it". "Accommodation" and "tolerance"-the essence is that they are extremely dissatisfied with marriage but have no courage and ability to divorce. If you don't love your husband, you can't escape. The way that society recognizes women's empathy is to pour all their emotions into their children.
Do you think that so many "Mumbo men" and "Mumbo girls" in this society have fallen from the sky? No, any mother-son and father-son relationship that children get beyond reasonable is the desire to control. The lighter one is to control the children’s marriage, love and life, requiring children to act according to the mother’s wishes in everything, “forced marriage” and “promoting the birth of children” is the norm; the more serious is the love complex, which prevents anyone from entering the son’s life. "third party". The above example is an extreme case. When the mother sees that his son's husband and wife are in harmony and his son is out of control, he buys murder.
In fact, many family disputes and unfortunate marriages in our society are due to the inability to sort out the ethical primary and secondary relationship. In the case, we can only see the distortion of the mother-child relationship, but in fact the core reason is that the relationship between the husband and wife of the mother's generation has been out of control.
This article was first published by a NetEase woman
has knowledge, attitude, and interest
The copyright of this article belongs to Hou Hongbin , please contact me for reprinting.
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