Is love really not forever? Psychology: continuous attraction has 3 characteristics

Love, is it going to last forever, or has it ever been?

The answer given by most people is that it is enough to have once.

And behind this answer, in fact, there is a deeper thought in people's hearts.

does not exist forever, if you can once have it, you should be content.

Don't expect a person to love you forever. If you have loved you, you should be thankful.

Those literary works, classic love stories in movies, or husbands and wives in other people’s mouths may really exist, but it is a small probability event that happens to others, and the probability of happening to yourself is almost 0.

love can The question that cannot last forever may be answered by most people's hearts, but it is a small probability event.

So, what is the key factor in the occurrence of this small probability event?

The three-element theory of love

Compared with our extremely strict view of love, psychologists actually have a much looser definition of love.

The three-element theory of love proposed by psychologist Robert Sternberg believes that different loves are composed of three elements. The three elements of

are intimacy, passion and commitment.

Psychologists believe that as long as one of these three elements is possessed, it is possible to become love.

And these three elements, that is, the three sides of the love triangle, are different in intensity, which determines the expression of love and the degree of stability.

passion, the highest performance intensity, the shortest duration, and the worst stability.

is close, the performance in all aspects is relatively stable, and the performance is relatively flat.

promises, the weakest strength, the longest lasting time, and the highest stability.

What kind of love can last forever?

Psychologists believe that perfect love has the three elements of love at the same time, and at the same time, the concentration of the three is very sufficient, then people can have a flawless love.

and the perfect love is usually met and unattainable.

This means that both parties in the relationship are very good, and the fit is quite high.

and some love, although not perfect, can reach a lasting end.

This is because, although it is difficult to have three elements of love at the same time, it is not particularly difficult to maintain one or two of them in a stable state in a relationship.

• Passion is usually considered the most difficult element of love to maintain. is usually based on a novel stimulus because of attraction. Therefore, as the relationship deepens and the mutual understanding deepens, the degree of passion tends to drop rapidly. Psychologists have found through research that there is still a passion for some couples or partners who have maintained close relationships for decades. To maintain the passion in love, both parties need to continue to do things that are out of the comfort zone of the relationship (maintain freshness), or maintain their attractive appearance, but also show that they may rarely or never show New look (such as new dressing style, makeup, etc.).
• Being close is an expression of friendship. We often say that in a long-term relationship, both parties are usually very good friends. Friendship means that after removing the physical attraction, they still have mutual appreciation, or the same ideas and values, can reach agreement in most situations in life, and at the same time, they can encourage each other to grow up.
• commitment is a performance of responsibility. In a family relationship, commitment is the most important element for a long-term relationship. If each other's sense of responsibility for the family is heavy, then the possibility of changes in the relationship is low. But the lack of passion and intimacy commitment is called empty love by psychologists. In other words, although this relationship is stable, it does not improve the happiness of both parties too much.. Even, sometimes it will be counterproductive. Although there is deep dissatisfaction in each other's hearts, we still have to maintain this relationship for this sense of responsibility.

The performance of love is related to the time we live in.

In the past, letters were very slow, the carriage was very far away, and only one person in life was loved.

Mu Xin ’s poem is the yearning for love in the hearts of many people living in our time.

But the times have changed, letters are not slow, carts and horses are getting closer, and you may fall in love with different people throughout your life.

The expression of love is related to the characteristics of the times, but the core of love has not changed.

Whether we have had it or last forever, love is the best proof that we have lived and existed.