1 and
watched the latest issue of "The New Age of Blind Date" yesterday. The male guests in this episode of
are really handsome. There are not only sunny men, but also melancholy princes.
Zhong Yuankai from Taiwan stood on the stage, and the audience fell silent.
There is a natural melancholy in his eyes, which looks very mysterious.
, the male guest recommended by Zhenai.com, had a very rough experience. When he was 12 years old, his father left because of an accident. Since then, his life has undergone major changes.
suddenly lost a loved one, and there is no way to tell the pain in my heart. The family moved out of the original house and tried to start a new life.
However, as time goes by, the pain of losing a loved one has not eased, but the gap between him and his mother has grown deeper.
His mother was very concerned about the safety of her children because of her husband’s accidental departure. Therefore, when dealing with children, he often adopted a controlled education method, which allowed him to slowly close his heart and no longer open up to his mother.
for so many years, in fact, he has slowly accepted his father's departure, but he can't really connect with his mother and feel the warmth of family again.
So he told himself over and over again in his heart: I will never marry a strong woman like my mother.
He is very eager for a quiet and sunny girl to walk into his heart and stay with him for a lifetime.
Actually, from the perspective of his mother, life is indeed not easy. After the death of her husband, she raised three children alone. Not only did she have to make money to support the family, but she also had to take care of the daily lives of the three children, compared to a healthy family. , This woman bears a lot more.
She also generously admitted in the show that because of her husband’s accidental departure, she was very panicked about the safety of her children and became relatively strong. She hopes that every child can grow up healthy.
So Zhong Yuankai, who grew up in such a family, yearns for love more than anyone, but is afraid that his future partner will be as strong as his mother, making him unable to feel warm and happy.
There is no doubt that the mother's influence on a child is huge, and it will unknowingly affect the child's character, thinking mode and his mate choice.
The way parents play in the original family and the way they get along with each other directly affect the child's choice of the future partner.
As Meng Fei said in the show, there are generally two situations in which children expect their other half in the future:
1, I want to marry a woman like a mother.
2, I will never marry a woman like my mother
. The formation of these two mate-choice views is by no means accidental, but with the deep imprint of the original family, trying to start a new life. The original family of
is imperceptible to the formation of everyone's view of marriage and love, but this kind of influence will accompany us throughout our lives.
2,
famous psychology tutor Lai Peixia once talked about her first marriage in a speech. In the marriage of
, she had a very painful life.
She and her husband have raised two children, but with the birth of the children, the family relationship has become worse and worse.
She comes from a single-parent family and her mother is very strong. She taught her that if she makes sense at home in the future, she must strive to win. So she applied this method to the current family, and when she saw her mother-in-law did not do well, she told them directly, and when she saw that her husband did not do well enough, she began to stigmatize. The
family has gradually become a place that only talks about winning and losing, not about emotions.
When she was screaming in front of her children and her husband, she saw the most vicious self. At this time, she began to reflect:
why she is as unhappy as her mother.
Later she thought of her family. From birth to 20 years old, she never met her father and lived with her mother. It is not easy for a single woman with a child, and her mother also instilled a concept in her imperceptibly:
men do not have a good thing.
Therefore, after marriage, Lai Peixia does not know how to get along with men, let aloneKnowing how to run a family, 8 years later, their marriage broke down and she became a single mother just like her mother. In order to free herself from the pain, she began to learn psychological knowledge, and gradually understood: The "virulent" shown in the marriage of
is actually the injury in the native family. Only when the injury is cured can you truly obtain happiness.
Many times, when we enter a marriage, we really want to gain happiness and tell ourselves before we start: I will never be like my parents, but in the end we find that we often become what we hate most in marriage. people.
It can be seen that the native family has a huge influence on a person's cognition, mate preference, and ability to maintain close relationships.
3,
some time ago, met with a friend, she is 34 years old this year, but not married yet.
When talking about marriage, she has an instinctive fear.
Because her parents divorced when she was very young, after the divorce, her mother quickly got married and had a new family. Although her father did not remarry, he basically disappeared from her life.
Since she was 5 years old, she has lived with her grandpa and grandma.
For her, there is no example of a happy parent in her life, nor the courage to accept an intimate relationship. The major trauma of
's original family has been deeply carved into her heart, like a heavy shackle, locking her desire for happiness.
So how can we truly get free from the original family and reap the true happiness of our own?
The first step:
reconcile with parents and return to the original family.
is like Zhong Yuankai in the show. In fact, there are still many knots between him and his mother that have not been solved. Try to open the heart and reconnect with his mother. For him, it will be easier to maintain intimacy in the future. .
Second step:
is not looking for answers in the shadows, but looking for answers in bright places.
Obviously, the original family's influence on ourselves is negative and positive. When we truly reconcile with the past and let go of all the unhappiness, we can start again, establish a correct view of marriage and love, and have a new life.
Lai Peixia said in her book "Going Home":
We must reconcile with our parents, respect our parents, return what belongs to them, and walk out of a different life.
When we learn to walk out of our original family, we can truly understand what kind of person we want and start a relationship better.
is like what Zhen Ai matchmaker said: The
native family has a profound impact on people, but as long as you consciously face your past and adjust your mentality, everyone can get rid of this curse and have a little happiness of their own.
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