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In late September this year, many websites published a message: 2017 On September 20, 2007, Qiu Xinglong, a well-known lawyer and legal scholar, died of lung cancer at the age of 54. Qiu Xinglong, born in 1963, studied at the 79th Southwest University of Political Science and Law, and belongs to the juniors in the new third term. In the Chinese legal circle, there are countless scholars who can be called "talents" and "brilliant talents", but those who can be called "ghosts" and "weirds" are almost unanimously regarded as Qiu Xinglong.
Above is the content of relevant news reports that I extracted.
After the news of Qiu Xinglong's death broke out, I took a look at the circle of friends very unkindly, wanting to see how many blind people and follow-up dogs have mixed into my circle of friends. Sure enough, within a few minutes, Qiu Xinglong's love and Qiu Xinglong's life were wiped out in the circle of friends. The conclusions are all things like "ghosts" and "geeks".
I think, assuming that the academic circles agree that Qiu Xinglong is a "ghost" and "geek", I cannot agree with him from the bottom of my heart. He is not a "ghost", let alone a "geek"; I also think that he should start from the mystery Come out of the halo, return to the lives of normal people, return to all of us, and become the most ordinary member of our legal people.
I think: in the years when the 20th century and the 21st century intersect, famous criminal law scholars who have been active in the legal field, outstanding liberals, advocates for the abolition of the death penalty, major representatives of liberal scholars, and many universities Part-time, visiting or full-time professor. His name is Qiu Xinglong.
If these auras can be regarded as success, then no one can bear the bleakness, misery and loneliness behind the success like Qiu Xinglong. The sensitivity, fragility, low self-esteem, arrogance and perseverance, courage, self-confidence, and cleverness in his character are mixed together to form a distinct and personal character, and he has walked out of a road of life completely different from ordinary people. It can be said that he was completely bruised and bruised in this society, but he has never fully achieved himself, but he worked very hard to show his personality and lived for 54 years.
Strictly speaking, I don’t think he is a gifted man, nor is he a "ghost" or a "geek". He is an extremely diligent, impulsive, daring, open-minded, fragile, decisive, and kind-hearted. A legal person who never admits defeat.
In October 2017, many days after the death of Qiu Xinglong, I tried to describe Qiu Xinglong in the most everyday language, because he used to fight alone and alone in this world, and he established an idol for us in search of freedom. Image. Such a criminal jurist who has a direct or indirect relationship with everyone's rights and dignity shouldn't let him become a collection in the study, let alone think that Qiu Xinglong is a "ghost" and "weird". If you just think of him as a "ghost" and "geek", it is a serious misunderstanding of him and an extreme disrespect for the deceased.
I think that in every part of this world, there may be Qiu Xinglong. He is a ill-fated discoverer, a watcher of freedom, a prophet who can predict the fate of mankind, and he belongs to us. A special state of life among people. The best news at the moment is that Qiu Xinglong's work has been re-studied again in many universities and law research departments. Before that, as a law enthusiast, I had bought his monographs.
I remember that it was about 1991 when I accepted an offer from Wuhan University Press to write a book on judicial pragmatism. In my spare time, I rode a bicycle and looked for some reference books in various bookstores in Wuchang. After searching for a few days, in addition to borrowing some from some libraries, I also bought some books. Just when I was about to suspend the purchase and prepare to go home to read and digest the books that I had purchased and borrowed, I found a Chinese translation of "Oxford Law Dictionary" in the bookstore at the door of Central China Normal University. I opened the dictionary Title page, Saw that the translator was Qiu Xinglong, and immediately bought a copy.
In the days to come, he himself published a book, and he would usually give me one. Over time, the books he gave me gradually increased. Frankly speaking, at that time, I had read only a few pages, so I didn't have the will to continue reading.
However, now, after he passed away, I began to tirelessly read page by page. On my desk, thick and heavy. I feel that this large pile of thick paper is no longer paper, and my desk is full of my nostalgia for a jurist.
How many people outside the legal circle know the strange name Qiu Xinglong? When he lived in this world, he was not prominent, sometimes even a little embarrassed. He has always been an independent and lonely walker on the road of law.
two
Qiu Xinglong and I are from the same age, and we are both considered to be the proud children of heaven and precocious young people. Now that I think of those people and things in the past, sometimes, I feel very heartache, like a needle sticking to the heart, it will hurt for a long time. What I think about the most is when I was in college with Qiu Xinglong.
Anyway, it was the best time of my life. At that time, people said that God seemed to be particularly favored by us. Then, I think of my classmates, think of everyone among them, think of who, who, what clothes they wore, what hair style they like to wear; think of what someone said at a certain time, and who they went with someday When I visited the bookstore, I had a drink with someone in the small restaurant next to the school one day, what kind of food I ate, and what I said while drinking; I thought of the Qiu’s noodle restaurant and The post office in Tongjiaqiao; thinking of the streetscape of Shapingba and the endless crowds at Lianglukou; thinking of someone criticizing a book one night, sparked a debate among everyone. Everyone was so serious and almost quarreled.
The personalities of Qiu Xinglong and I are very different: when I was in college, he didn't like talking and communicating, and I couldn't stop talking; he was quiet and didn't pay attention to hygiene, didn't take a bath for many years, I was open and like to be lazy; He is sensitive and I am casual; he pays attention to goals, adjusts his course at any time, and perseveres in working towards freedom, while I look forward and backward, and live an extremely unwilling life cautiously and stiffly; he loves I have a clear hatred and never hide my emotions, but I am cautious and have a split personality.
But we belong to the same kind. Fathers and mothers of the same kind are teachers who protect and guide our natural attributes. Nowadays, at our age, the people around me either hang out first or hang out first. I can't even take care of my dreams, and I don't have a hobby that can be made out. Next, I have to look forward to children.
Perhaps, this is the life of most Chinese intellectuals. However, Qiu Xinglong does not understand life in this way. He once told me: what a young person is, a young person should be vigorous, vigorous, and poor, but should not use this uncontested attitude towards life as a shield to escape the world.
Qiu Xinglong is such a person. What he pursues is the return of man’s natural nature, the embodiment of the idea of "returning to nature" on the issue of individual liberation, and he is also making an effort to rebuild himself.
三
In November 1979, it has been two months since the Southwest School of Political Science and Law started. I was about to send the course schedule to the study members of our class. The study committee lives in dormitory 408 in Dongshan Building.
At noon that day, in front of the door of bedroom 408, a little boy was squatting under the wall to eat. I asked him if the study committee was there? He glanced at me disdainfully and said, "The study committee member is not in the dormitory."
I asked again: "Did he eat in the cafeteria and haven't returned to the dormitory?" The little boy nodded roughly, which was regarded as an answer to me.
While waiting for the study committee, I had to face this little boy who was eating at the wall. His eating posture was very special, with an English word list sandwiched on the steel lunch box, the kind of copy. Dark skin, double eyelids, a few pimples appeared on the dark gray face, short hair, thick, black.
The order of his meals is also very special. My classmates and I, both men and women, buy two to four or two rice, and then a meat dish and a vegetarian dish. One bite of rice, one bite of food, crossed to eat. But he is different. He eats vegetables first, eats up all the meat and vegetables, and then fills the white rice alive.Into the mouth, swallow abruptly. Seeing him swallowing so uncomfortable and difficult, I also felt uncomfortable.
may have discovered that I was observing him, his eyes swept at me, and he continued to swallow his dry rice, with a look of disapproval.
I asked him: "Are you from 79, class 3?"
He nodded, and then grunted a few words, which seemed to be affirmative but also negative. Later, I estimated that he was reciting English words and he didn't hear my question at all. The
study committee came back, I gave him the timetable, and then returned to my bedroom.
In the afternoon, the class is divided into small classes, and the little boy who squatted on the wall to eat happened to be sitting next to me. The squad leader stepped up to the podium, please introduce yourself. Everyone stood up along their seats and introduced themselves. It was the little boy who was sitting on the wall to eat. He stood up and said, "My name is Qiu Xinglong and I am from Xiangtan, Hunan. I am from the same hometown as Chairman Mao."
I can’t remember some words now. I just remember that we all smiled and asked: "Really!"
is deep in my memory. At that time, Qiu Xinglong’s dark face was also unruly. Very proud imprint!
Qiu Xinglong was sixteen years old that year, and I was seventeen years old. We had known each other for thirty-eight years until he passed away. What kind of concept is this: At first I felt that our peers were confused. Some of my friends and I have been in friendship for more than 30 years. Even if it is 10 years, I can still find friends who have known him for longer than 30 years. Even after 30 years, I am still lucky enough to make one or two new friends. friend. Therefore, the so-called curse that it is difficult to make friends in adulthood has not been fulfilled on me. The difference with Qiu Xinglong is probably that when he knew me, he was exactly 16 years old. I didn’t know how to describe that period, until later I read the words in a Japanese photographer’s album:
"If there is a period of youth that can be called youth, I think it does not mean the general state of a certain period of time. It's a period of time that passes through the youthful inner, swaying lightly under the sunlight, and is close to transparent and inaction. It is also the momentary intoxication encountered when thrown into the sea of self-consciousness. In other words, it is a kind of glorious Barren, great absence. "
Qiu Xinglong and I are just like that.
In other words, Qiu Xinglong and I met in a period of almost blank time. Long, white, and isolated. This period of time has nothing to do with before or after, it just exists out of thin air.
I believe that when he mentioned "17-year-old me", he did not think of the exact me, or just a vague memory of him.
I often say to him: "I'm older than you, your brother!"
He said: "You are only more than three months older than me, this is not too big! It is still the same generation!"
he said At this time, the Hunan accent was extremely strong.
I replied: "The big day is also called Da, I am brother, you are brother!"
In my feeling, what Qiu Xinglong thinks of is probably his wish, which is to make sure that I and him are of the same kind, and not happen. The reality of the past.
"We are struggling to move forward, the small boat is up against the current, and is constantly being pushed back to the past by the waves." Qiu Xinglong also said to me at that time.
4
In 1980, the college adjusted the student housing. Qiu Xinglong and I were divided into adjacent dormitories, just next door. It took a long time to learn that Qiu Xinglong was really fun in studying. He didn't sleep at night, and always went out with his schoolbag and a dirty towel. No one knew where he went.
By chance, I met him next to a bungalow in Gele Mountain. He probably didn't notice me, he kept reading English aloud and memorizing words; reading English aloud and memorizing words again. After repeating this for a while, he was probably tired and washed his face next to the water pipe with that dirty towel. At this time, I suddenly realized that the biggest reason why he found this place to study is because there is a water pipe that can be used for free.
We started talking.
He said: "Only there are independent water pipes at the back of the Sino-U.S. Cooperation Exhibition Hall and this place. It seems that no one is in charge. However, there are too many tourists and noisy at the exhibition hall." You, you came here to work hard! "
I know he is starting to exert his strength in his studies, but what is the goal and in which direction to work hard?He didn't mention it, so I can't ask more. Later, I gradually came to know that when he was undergraduate, he began to use his own criminal law, write his thesis, often go to the tutor's home for advice, and he was maverick. He was playing his life, the manuscript fee for publishing the paper was not a small amount, and he replaced it with cigarettes and wine. Then it was life-consuming and staying up all night to write papers, thus forming a virtuous circle of sustainable development with his own characteristics.
He is one of the first students in our school to learn to drink. To be honest, when I saw him drinking champagne for the first time, I knew that besides white wine, red wine and beer, there are many varieties of alcohol in the world. At the time, he was undoubtedly trendy.
Graduated from the Southwest School of Political Science and Law at that time, university teachers, judges, prosecutors, lawyers, and officials. Every road is a broad road, and every road can be both fame and fortune. But he didn't, he wanted to break into society, and went to study for a master's and doctoral degree, and went into academic circles, but he was trapped in prison. Is this a blessing or a curse for him? Is it in line with his wishes? Only God and him know this.
He loves tossing and tossing hard. After clarification of the unjust case, he returned to the academic arena. He was mixed in the criminal law academia and criminal defense lawyers. He was full of vigor and color, and the clouds were surging. He used his life example to prove: the criminal law of the prison. The professor of science is a model of action that integrates theory with practice, and is the best professor of criminal law who can practice it. Chinese prisons can nurture a generation of outstanding criminal defense lawyers.
5
At the end of 1999, a classmate surnamed Ma and I flew from Shenzhen to Chongqing to participate in a classmate gathering for the 20th anniversary of Southwest School of Political Science and Law Class 3, 79.
At that time, Qiu Xinglong had just been released from prison and happened to teach at his alma mater. He was one of the hosts of this event.
We got off the plane and came to the hotel that Qiu Xinglong had booked for us. I called Qiu Xinglong and told him that the two of us had arrived. He told me that because we arrived late, the other classmates who attended the party had finished their dinner.
Qiu Xinglong also told me on the phone that he planned to arrange for three or four of our late classmates to go to an old stove hot pot restaurant for dinner.
On that day, the sky in Chongqing was raining lightly. When we were able to go out, we saw a man with long hair and waist wearing a brown leather jacket standing in front of the hotel waiting for us. He looked at us while smoking. For an instant, Qiu Xinglong's dazzling and straight figure appeared in my mind, and the image was very eye-catching. I'm thinking, should it be better to compare it to a fairy style, or is it weird and chic? If you compare it to the bones of fairy style, it is a Chinese uniform with a folding fan in hand. I think it is more appropriate to describe Qiu Xinglong at that time as weird and unrestrained.
I joked and asked: "Are you still drinking?"
smiled and said, "How can I live without wine? You still have to drink wine!"
Because the style of this shop is not public, the privacy is relatively high, although it is not luxurious The facade, and in the depths of an alley, seems to only receive regular customers invisibly. The size of the shop is moderate, and the decoration is foreign but not fancy. Except for the welcome counter, there are neat and dense wine racks on the first floor. The stove of the hot pot is made of mud, which matches the name of the old stove hot pot. You can order any dishes or cook by yourself. Each stove is divided into large and small rooms, with a unified style, and there is no hall or interference.
On that day, Ma, classmate Ma, and Qiu Xinglong were arranged in a small room he was familiar with. On one side of the floor-to-ceiling glass you could see the scene of the bustling alleys and streets of Chongqing, and the rain and fog were misty in the lights. Another female classmate who was also late arrived, and I took the lead in sitting at the round table unceremoniously. We only have three male classmates, no matter where the female classmate sits, it can only be between two male classmates and opposite to another male classmate. She sat casually between me and Qiu Xinglong, while Student Ma sat opposite her, forming four corners, which was exactly a symbol.
At this time, the female classmate said: "We are the Gang of Four today, come, and toast to our party!"
Qiu Xinglong immediately agreed: "Okay! The Gang of Four will take a drink together!"
I said: "This is really true It’s wonderful. "
" A good snack is just like an old lover, and I won’t think about it." This is Qiu Xinglong’s favorite saying. He also said: "When you are not drinking, people are like a hammer!"
is a heroic man. He said to the well-dressed and handsome floor manager: "I'll make some of them myself in a while.dish! "The manager of
asked: "What preparations are needed? "
" can be handled according to today's ingredients. "Qiu Xinglong replied.
gave each other a lot of face and can enjoy the caring and meticulous service.
I noticed that the conversation between him and the manager is entirely in Chongqing dialect. I don’t know, after twenty years of experience After washing and bleaching, his thick Hunan accent drifted away and turned into boiled water. I did not expect that his Chongqing dialect was extremely authentic. At least, I think from the bottom of my heart that he has been completely caught in Chongqing. The city melted. On the same day,
served a box of white wine, which was arranged according to the number of "getting better". The floor manager pouring the wine respectfully, and then sternly talked about the history, origin and characteristics of the wine , Almost people crossed to the sunny Chishui River.
Under the guidance of Qiu Xinglong, I took a cautious sip, still feeling slightly sour and astringent. No matter how high-end liquor, it is in this state for me , It’s not good if it’s too sweet or it’s not good to pull the throat, but it’s just nonsense to say that a good baijiu has a distinct taste, and the tip of the tongue and taste buds are blooming and dancing. Of course, this may just belong to the scope of my personal knowledge and feelings. It doesn't matter.
Qiu Xinglong hates all posturing. On the day of
, the female classmate reminded him, saying: "Eat less braised pig intestine, this is not something a professor should eat. It is best to be vegetarian, and occasionally clean up bigu. Sit for an hour every day. "
Qiu Xinglong stopped eating and drinking, thinking about it, and finally understood what the female classmate said.
said: "Everyone is like this, if you don't hold the crystal luminous cup and shake the circle, the world will be wrong. So, only when I face silent essay writing, I will be really excited. I can write day and night without going to sleep for more than ten days. The solemn Qingxiu bigu is a demon, a demon to me, and the only enemy in my life. "
A fresh garlic scent came out, and then, the waiter presented two plates of scallops. The milky white flesh was large and plump. They were dipped in a red oil hot pot and dipped in a carefully prepared but not colored sauce. Inside, it is very tempting.
Qiu Xinglong used chopsticks to put the strap in the red oil, while saying: "Did you not bother to see this wine? "
" is nothing special. "I pretended to think for a while and answered like this. At the time, the waiter brought the dishes to us and greeted us to continue to eat.
Qiu Xinglong might realize that such a gentle drinking is not addictive and cannot satisfy everyone's metaphysical needs. Holding a bottle of liquor and a glass teacup in one hand, he smiled happily and said: "One person, one teacup, after drinking and going back to the hotel to sleep, men and women are the same! "
" drink like this, you have to drink it. "Student Ma said worriedly, and used chopsticks to rinse the slices of meat with blood stains on them.
I tried my best not to look at the plate, there was a pile of red mucus that made me nauseous. The female student
seemed reluctant to drink this. Too much wine. In order to guide everyone to divert attention, she changed the topic: "Qiu Xinglong, back to Chongqing, single, must find a woman, otherwise, how will the future live? "
Qiu Xinglong said: "I died once because of my heart. "
, of course, classmate Ma and I said nothing. Silence. The female classmate
said: "Qiu Xinglong, you have to find someone you love? "
" What loves or not? Finding someone to marry and have children is better than Hu Lai, right? Don't look at me, my heart is very clear. "Qiu Xinglong said. When
said this, Qiu Xinglong looked out of the window. As night fell, life had just begun for many people in Chongqing. A group of red men and green women passed by and played exaggeratedly in the rain and fog; an old man led two Different breeds of pet dogs came out for a walk. One of the golden retrievers opened his hind legs to urinate. The man stopped and waited and listened to the phone with a brick-like wireless phone. Qiu Xinglong continued, "I don't envy anyone now. I think even a dog can live like a human because it has the right to be vulgar. "
When he said this, he was as handsome as before. He has never been that kind of sissy man: his gray complexion and broad shoulders, even a bit like a farmer. But his voice from his chest seems to use With all my strength, I almost roared and roared, and the sound made people feel uncomfortable.
At the same time, I also saw his brave and fearful, decisive and suspicious eyes, which revealedTo his nature. His attitude that day made people feel very arrogant and unpleasant, but at the same time very stubborn, inferior, and almost timid.
6
That night, with drizzle, Qiu Xinglong showed unprecedented boldness and swallowed a cup of liquor. Then, he put the vegetables into his mouth in the same way, and the oil of animals and plants flew up and down on his black lips. He proudly boasted: "This is all my craft, I just went to find I’m the chef, let him give me a hand, I’m cooking, how do you taste the taste."
Student Ma, without losing his gentleman’s demeanor, took a little dish into his mouth and chewed slowly, not without exaggeration. Said: "Well, it tastes great! It seems to have a Hunan taste!" Qiu Xinglong said: "Of course, I made it by myself. Sichuan cuisine and Hunan cuisine are intertwined, and the taste is of course different, but compared to what you have eaten in Shenzhen Those famous dishes are far worse."
I said: "Otherwise. Those so-called famous dishes taste far worse than your dishes, mainly because of different psychological feelings."
Our conversation is like frozen ice. A lot of time is just spent in a sudden interruption and silence in vain.
I said to Qiu Xinglong: "I am divorced, living alone, lonely, now any comforting words are superfluous..."
said: "You are right, so there is nothing to say. Actually, I use it at all. No comfort!"
I looked at Qiu Xinglong and said: "You have a lot of black spots on your face? What's the matter?"
He said: "It's liver spots, my liver is undergoing chronic necrosis, believe it or not? The hospital has already It's confirmed! "
" is cirrhosis, right? Make up your mind and give up alcohol. If you pay more attention to exercise and insist on treatment, you should be able to recover soon."
said, "I hope so. But, speaking of it Easy... but it still requires perseverance to do it, let it go! Nothing great! "
" You can just remarry, if someone takes care of you, our classmates will be relieved. "I have nothing to say. Say.
Qiu Xinglong looked up at me and said with a sarcasm: "Am I always proud of her? I have always treated her pretty well. She never wants her man to be too useless and no one likes wherever he goes. She’s like picking up a bunch of trash and going home?! If I remarry, what will the outside say about me? The prodigal son returns home? Or is I taken in because I can’t take care of myself? I'd rather die when I get sick No one is troublesome. "
" You are talking about anger. You will feel better when your body recovers." I said. "
" is not an angry word, it is the truth. After she divorced me, she married again, couldn't get along, and separated. In fact, I don't care about it. Life is just a constant search for a comfortable relationship and a comfortable way of getting along. , Comfortable feelings, and a comfortable body. The derailment is essentially an infringement of a certain monopoly on the exclusive right of the other party’s organs and its derivative rights. The derailed party should follow the following basic principles: first, never derail; second , It doesn't matter if you cheat, don't let me know; third, let me know it doesn't matter, don't let me catch it; fourth, let me catch it doesn't matter, don't admit it!" He said in a heavy tone.
I didn't answer his words. Later, he moved his head closer to where I was sitting, and said, "What I said is true, I would rather be single."
I said, "You still have to pay attention to your body. "
" Uh, you don't Understand! You don't understand anything!" He became a little impatient. The usual nonchalant, slippery tone, and humor are all gone. I saw that he was trying to control his emotions, maybe looking at me made him feel resentful, and he turned his face away. He stopped talking, and I didn't speak anymore, I was a little impatient. After a while, he seemed to slow down, turned his face at me again, suddenly became serious, and asked in a low voice, "Shall we continue to drink at the bar?" While drinking, I thought of Qiu Xinglong's past and past expressions. Then I didn't dare to think further. This is often the case. The thoughts and premonitions that arise suddenly are not entirely groundless, but it is rare to follow these thoughts or premonitions. I always stop before thinking about the snowball. I like to abandon something categorically. It is similar to the pleasure and pain of bleeding, but I have never tasted it. I am always hesitant, I am afraid of bleeding out before I die.
don't know if it isIt was because I was drinking too fast just now. When I went out, Qiu Xinglong began to feel weak, and he leaned against me. As soon as the cold wind blew, the rain and fog drifted over, and then he vomited. It seems that he is really drunk. Fortunately, I can basically remember where I live. As soon as he said, I knew it. Classmate Ma and I kept sending him to his residence.
Seven
After arranging him to sleep, classmate Ma will leave first, and I plan to accompany Qiu Xinglong for a while.
I can't think of how to arrange the rest of my time that day. To be precise, I don't know how to settle myself. Listening to his snoring, I suddenly felt Qiu Xinglong was very pitiful, he didn't even have a nest, and was lonely. I think Qiu Xinglong has been mixed up for these years, just like this, a miserable person. I calmed down and thought about it, but I was a little sad. When he went to Beijing and Hainan, he thought he could be like a dog, but now he is half-dead, sick, and alone. I feel sorry for him.
I think whether it is a man or a woman, in the unconscious, there seems to be another character hidden behind. This hidden side is not just a decorative existence, but is often the source of salvation for everyone, and a unique life state.
The so-called perfect personality is usually yin and yang. Such people are not only rich in their own distinctive characteristics, but also inadvertently or unintentionally rubbed into the advantages of another character. Qiu Xinglong has his own unique temperament. The more a person contains traits, the more abundant and complete in human nature.
I poured a glass of water and plan to wait until he needs it. I picked up the TV remote control casually, turned on the TV, and watched it quietly in the silent state. I fell asleep watching. When I woke up suddenly, the TV was full of snow on the screen.
After my head is clearer, I then thought, through legal works and today's criminal defense lawyer, whether Qiu Xinglong has integrated his internal multiple personalities long ago? Has he already completed the process of self-salvation and self-ification? Otherwise, why is he never moved by that dazzling halo? And those shadows in life, in his brave gaze, had already turned into gentleness and compassion.
It was already three o'clock in the morning. I turned the TV off and felt back pain. Qiu Xinglong curled up on the other side of the bed, like a cat, his purring was gone, and a thin blanket followed his breathing. I think I can’t take care of that much anymore. Sleep is important. I take off my clothes, lie on the double bed cautiously, curled up like a dog, and then I feel the world is dark and my night is finally here. When I arrived, I wanted to scratch the itch on my chin, and I fell asleep halfway through my hand.
八
In 2002, due to an organizational decision, I was transferred to work in Nanshan District, Shenzhen. Several alumni invited me to dinner together. Seven or eight people came, including two juniors who had just graduated from Southwest University of Political Science and Law, one tall and one short, but they all looked very beautiful.
I noticed that the tall man ordered tripe and fresh squid. She was refreshing to drink, but she was not as capable of drinking as she showed. At that time, I hadn't quit drinking. I had experience in drinking. This is my specialty. The tall younger sister thought she could drink, but after fighting with me, half a catty of beer was messed up. In front of her, I was very humble, saying that I would talk nonsense with a bottle of beer.
"Let's talk, I love to listen to nonsense." The tall man rolled up her sleeves carelessly. This action of her is different from what she did when she was not drinking. She didn't notice that I almost didn't swallow when drinking, but directly flowed into my stomach. I said: "I drink until I talk nonsense."
She leaned against the wall, behind me were noisy diners. Mandarin duck hot pot, three bottles of Kingway beer, I noticed that she ordered two more winter melons and mushrooms.
Then the two touched each other half bottle and half bottle. Only after a while, I saw that she was drunk. When she spoke, her tongue was straight and the steaming hot pot made us feel like a pair of relatives who had not reunited for a long time. I haven't had such a rich temptation for a long time. I thought, my eyes must be shining, and I was stuffing large chunks of mutton into my mouth.
The short junior sister also drank a lot of wine, her face was much more ruddy, she looked younger than the taller, and pretty good-looking, and the moles in her eyebrows were more dazzling.
We chatted with each other, but I don’t know how, the topic got to Qiu Xinglong. The tall man said: "We like to listen to Professor Qiu's lessons when we are in school. He has long hair and shawl and is chic and elegant. He is really a heartthrob!" The short
said: "At that time, just listen.If Professor Qiu is giving a lecture, the lecture hall will be full, and the aisles are all students. He is a legend himself! "
is a tall man full of worship, she said: "He is the idol in my heart!" If you listen to his lecture, no one in the entire classroom will be distracted! "The short
said: "I went to the lecture. Actually, I didn't want to hear what he said, but I just wanted to see what kind of legend he is! "The tall
seems to be inspired by wine, and it seems to be the true expression of her inner thoughts. She said in poetic language: "I heard from my classmates that Teacher Qiu has gone through too many sufferings, and I feel sad for him. In my eyes, his ability to feel suffering seems to be particularly strong. He is still so unique and bright! "
, an older male alumnus, said: "I have always believed that Qiu Xinglong is one of the best jurists of this era. Of course, the teachers at the school had always thought so. I used to think that jurists are indifferent and rational, similar to those who are emotionally indifferent, but later discovered that this is not the case. The secretion of hormones by jurists seems to be more vigorous, and their desire for the world to "get" far exceeds that of ordinary people like us. "
While we were silently chewing on the chilled dishes, the older alumni was still there talking loudly about Qiu Xinglong he knew. In his or their eyes, the most common disease among young people is self Romance, the symptom of this disease is being too immersed in one's own world.
He said: "Qiu Xinglong got this disease, it is real, it is simply, I can't think of what language to use for a while. . "
When they said these things and made these discussions, they forgot to ask me which year, which department and class I graduated from, and even forgot the simplest fact that Qiu Xinglong I discussed with them was a classmate.
In other words, I am more qualified to evaluate this person than any alumnus present at the time.
九
In 2015, Qiu Xinglong came to Shenzhen to find me for the Gele Mountain University hosted by the Shenzhen Southwest University of Political Science and Law (formerly Southwest University of Political Science and Law) alumni association. To prepare for the lecture hall, he will give special lectures, hoping that I can provide the knowledge structure of the listeners and the professional situation they are engaged in.
I told them one by one, and reminded me not to drink at dinner.
, he also specially helped me He brought the fire-roasted fish he invented: a large plastic bag filled with finger-long dried fish.
He said: "After going home, the oil is delicious! "
I accepted that big bag. I have travelled far and wide, with a heart!
I know that he has gone through so much torture and his body has suffered a lot, but every time I get together with him over the years, I see him still smoking like that. , Drinking and talking, is still a bold temperament, or that dark face, both eyes are always so energetic, powerful, and gleaming, letting people see, it’s just a glance Convinced.
I know that this is another virtuous circle of sustainable development with Qiu Xinglong's characteristics, because his talents and achievements have skyrocketed with the amount of tobacco and alcohol he consumes and the number of days he stays up late.
Several alumni have dinner that night. , Just after going to the wine table, an alumnus asked him what kind of wine he was drinking, and he asked if there was any alcoholic liquor. The alumni replied that Shenzhen currently does not have this brand of liquor, and asked how to drink Moutai. He readily said yes.
He has long forgotten my advice. But I still stepped forward and advised him not to drink as much as possible. He insisted that it doesn’t matter if he drinks at all.
He is still so rebellious, empathetic and righteous. After listening to persuasion, the body is breaking down, but the wine is drinking, the cigarette is smoking, the words that should be said, the things that should be tossed are also tossing. I feel that Qiu Xinglong's interest and emotions are embarrassing to hit him, it really is Infatuation and innocence!
I said: "People with poor health can't drink. "
Qiu Xinglong asked me in Chongqing dialect: "Why don't you drink? Sometimes drinking is a cure, right? Wine is water, money is paper, and body is meat. I am afraid of a hammer. "
I know that he will always have the most restless heart in his heart, unconvinced in his restlessness, desolation, loss and loneliness in unconvinced. This allows him to be above the body and above the life. Seek a higher distance. After only three rounds of
wine, he was actually drunk and ran to the bathroom, vomiting all over the floor, and there were fish bones stuck in his throat. I smelled the filthy breath emanating from him. I Seeing Qiu Xinglong frowning, he pointed to mePointing to my cheek, I touched my face, it was a piece of confetti. I was frightened like a concubine who fell out of favor.
I sent him to the hotel where he was staying and asked him to lie down. When
wiped his forehead with a hot towel, I said: "Xinglong, why bother to drink so much!"
I shook his body vigorously, and said again: "Wake up!"
He seemed to have a drink. snore. I am even more disappointed. At one time, I had respect and appreciation for him. And now, he was lying on the white sheet, saliva slowly flowing down the corner of his mouth. If it weren't for his nostrils still venting, I even suspect that he is dead.
He is one of the youngest classmates in our class, but he seems to have already seen everything in life, life and everything in the world, maybe transcendence, maybe otherworldly, maybe detached, more helpless .
Seeing him fall asleep peacefully, my soul couldn't help being shocked again, and the last time I felt this way was when his ex-wife left us. Because, after all, I am a common man.
His ex-wife is also my classmate. In 2013, he died suddenly of pancreatic cancer.
It is fair to say that Qiu Xinglong's behavior during and after his ex-wife's illness is commendable, and he has fulfilled the duties of an ex-husband. Not only did he take the daughter he owned with his ex-wife to the hospital, but he stayed there until the death of his ex-wife, and he assumed all the obligations that belonged or did not belong to him.
I think Qiu Xinglong is a shadow of a larger area under the huge halo. At the moment when he dropped out of school many years ago, Qiu Xinglong embarked on his own heroic journey. This is not so much a journey as he embarked on a difficult path of spiritual practice. The pain and depression of childhood, the wandering and struggle of youth, the sinking and indifferent of middle-aged life, Qiu Xinglong has always used his smile to face the shadow directly, not avoiding or driving away, but staring, understanding, and then embracing and accepting.
ten
Nowadays, it is nothing new to post my life scenes and work dynamics in the circle of friends, and to talk about my travels. Open the circle of friends, you will immediately be scared by their state: they are complacent about the books they read, the music they listen to, the meals they eat, the movies they watch, the photos of their pets, etc., and the whole sense of superiority is fast from the screen. Is overflowing. Of course, these kind of friends with a strong performance personality are not really mourning or thinking about something, nor are they calling for a Renaissance. Their purpose is not to let everyone see, read and feel, but to make everyone feel that they have something. How contrived. However, in many cases, the loneliness, confusion, dissatisfaction, and youth that appear in the circle of friends may all stem from their own ignorance. In fact, this kind of person is not as affectionate as he thought.
is different from Qiu Xinglong. If he has any new gameplay, it is that the Moments he posted is a farewell ceremony, and his farewell in Moments is higher than others, and the invention is different. A special way of showing off for 48 hours in one place.
I understand that he is saying goodbye to his friends, to his classmates, and to all the people he knows and don't know!
As a result, he took pictures with his mother, wife and children; he went to the river to fish himself; he went up the mountain to grow vegetables and combed his mother's hair; he invented fire-roasted fish. The irony is that a few minutes ago, he was still sending a video of lectures to a certain place in the WeChat group. How did he turn around and posted to the circle of friends that the most beautiful scenery in life is going home and living in seclusion. His problem is that he reads too much and he loves thinking.
Yes, from 2015 to 2017, we were always dazzled by Qiu Xinglong's jumping life or work scenes. Especially in the first half of this year, he also published the papers he wrote in the past.
It is difficult for ordinary people to understand why he changes life scenes so quickly and frequently. Thinking about it now, the reason is actually very simple: the more a person loves something, the more he desires to bury it in the bottom of his unknown heart; if he feels that the thing he loves is humble and weak in the eyes of others, then This kind of burial implies more inferiority and sadness.
At that time, he was only one step away from death, so his remaining life was more precious to him.
Yes, he is buying time!
Before going on a date with the god of death, he needs to dress up his happiness carefully; he must bid farewell to everyone who is still alive in this world, in the unique way of Qiu Xinglong!
May this year,I called Qiu Xinglong. At that time, we hadn't seen each other for more than a year, but the phone calls were intermittent. However, in the first half of this year, he suddenly stopped contacting me. Because I learned about his condition, after half a year of news, I took the initiative to contact him.
On the other side of the phone, Qiu Xinglong was lying tired on the sofa with a blanket on his legs, completely cut off from the outside world, as if he was waiting for death. He prescribed a lot of drugs for lung cancer in the hospital, and he had to do it every half month. He has to see a doctor once, combining Chinese and Western medicine, he has to go to Beijing a few more times. At this stage when he just learned of the condition, he took the medicine with a pious attitude. He thought he could overcome the disease. This may be all The stage that people suffering from this kind of disease go through.
At that time, on the phone, Qiu Xinglong could finally recall his life to me calmly, and confided to me in a passionate tone. I think I am a qualified listener of his. The arrival of terminal illness caused him to release himself early. For so many years, he has been a prisoner of passion and desire. Now, he is finally well, his long and precious body of freedom has made him calmly face the days before death.
I think that everyone came to this world with their own mission. Everything happened is not a coincidence but the best arrangement. Many things happen in different stages of our lives. There will be many encounters. Many people showed up at the right time. It is inevitable that at every stage of life, there will be pains and limitations, so that one can pull away from the aura to examine and face the shadows, experience and accept the shadows, and obtain a more mellow attitude towards life. Easy practice.
Qiu Xinglong has the responsibility and responsibility, respects his parents, cares about relatives and friends, takes care of the orphans, and supports his peers; he has led his daughter, son-in-law and wife to realize many dreams; he is a man with his head on the sky and his feet on the ground. , Is also an outstanding student trained by Southwest University of Political Science and Law. But he also has the arrogance, stubbornness, publicity and vanity that belong to his unique temperament.
Halo and shadow coexist together!
For a long time after Qiu Xinglong left, I couldn't sleep at night. I doubt what is wrong with my spirit. What kind of fear is that? Whenever I close my eyes, I feel him standing next to me. What kind of expression is that? Longing to tell, but silent as dumb; when I opened my eyes, he disappeared.
Only in the room shrouded in darkness, I got up and turned on the light to read his book, and fell asleep while reading, and then, at the moment when I closed my eyes in a trance, Qiu Xinglong stood beside me again, and I suddenly When I opened my eyes, the lamp was on quietly, making a faint sound of "sizzling" due to unstable voltage.
Wan Lai is as silent as the universe!
His smoking, alcoholism and staying up all night hurt himself and the world, as well as those fragile souls similar to him. He stirred the bottom of those muddy souls.
Now, I feel Qiu Xinglong is getting further and further away from me. To be precise, we will never return to the tacit understanding and mutual appreciation of the college days. Wuhan is changing, Shenzhen is changing, Chongqing, Beijing, Xiangtan, Xiamen, Haikou and Changsha are also changing. Everything is changing. Moreover, they are all changing in directions that we did not foresee. Sometimes I think of the rainy and foggy day in Chongqing, who was drinking with Qiu Xinglong, and think of his face hidden in the dark light. It was actually a matter of the previous life.
I am convinced that in the next life, two lonely souls, me and him, will meet in the dark, and we will hug each other on that icy one-way road. When
finished writing this mourning article, in the small yard of my house, a few sweet-scented osmanthus trees were scented. Thousands of miles away in Changsha, there might be an osmanthus tree that was exuding fragrance.
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Transfer: Shenzhen Evening News Author: Shaw double red editor: Wang Xiao Dong
particular that : The above article content only represent the author and do not represent the views or position hold column. If you have any questions about the content, copyright or other issues of the work, please contact Baozhu within 30 days after the publication of the work
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